


Novice of Darkness

by xntricgrrrl



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-10-02 23:51:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 41,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10230839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xntricgrrrl/pseuds/xntricgrrrl
Summary: After his defeat on Starkiller Base, Kylo Ren is ordered to take on and train an apprentice. An ordinary and somewhat sheltered young woman, she has no idea of the potential power she wields or the journey upon which she's about to embark with her new Master.





	1. Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's an unremarkable young woman really, a bit of sadness in her past and a sudden surge of power that was attributed to "Fluctuations in the Force" before it faded away. Now those powers are back, stronger than before. She discovers that her powers tie her irrevocably tied to both the Jedi and The First Order. And her destiny is intertwined with the very intimidating and slightly intriguing Commander Ren.

The events of the last day blurred together, your mother telling you that, on the orders of Supreme Leader Snoke, you were to be given over to Kylo Ren. Given over! How the words made your anger flare. Formidable leader and powerful Force user though he may be, Kylo Ren would not own you.  
The Force. If it wasn’t for the reemergence of your ridiculous powers, none of this would have happened. You’d hoped they would have faded and gone away much like they did when you were younger. But the more you ignored them, the stronger they grew. Until your mother, at her wit’s end, had taken your dilemma to Supreme Leader Snoke.  
It seemed you were both a threat and an asset to the First Order. It was the nightmares that had them worried. Night after night, those damnable dreams with their stupid temples. And leave it to your mother to recognize Jedi imagery. You never should have told her. If only you’d awakened quietly instead of screaming or crying. “If they’re not aware of your presence yet, it is only a matter of time,” she’d told you. The more you used your powers, the more you “existed within the Force” and the Jedi could sense you and, in time, they would find you. She had told you that Supreme Leader Snoke was convinced that the Resistance would stop at nothing to use your powers for their cause, and when finished, would dispose of you.  
“I’ll run away!” you’d told your mother as she explained. Even as you spoke the words, you knew that there was nowhere to go. But you could be taught, she’d told you. Supreme Leader Snoke sensed it, that, with Kylo Ren’s teaching, your powers would grow and you’d become a tipping point in the war between the Resistance and the First Order. Of course you’d told her you’d do it. If it meant protecting the people you cared about and helping bring order to the Galaxy. How could you say no? If it was your destiny?  
But you’d never expected to have your entire life taken away, to be moved away from your mother into your own quarters and not be allowed to take anything with you. You were numb as you followed the Stormtrooper down endless corridor after corridor to your new home. After a brief tour of the small quarters and the assurances that your meals and clothing would be provided for you, he promised that another guard would be there in the morning to escort you to your first training session with your new master, Kylo Ren. Finally left alone, you fell onto the bed and sobbed before your body gave way to exhaustion and sleep rose to claim you.  
Now, as you sit across from him in the conference room, you can see your reflection in the silver lines of his mask, perhaps distorted by the metal, perhaps by your own fear. Either way, it only serves to remind you that everything familiar is gone now. “You are frightened.” It is rather a statement than a question and the voice distorted. You nod slowly. “Very much so,” you agree.  
“Why?’ Behind the mask, his voice is not mocking, merely curious. There is no sense in lying to him. “It’s very overwhelming to have to give up everything you’ve ever known in exchange for an uncertain future.”  
He reaches up and unhinges the faceplate on the front of his mask. Gripping it with leather-clad fingers, he removes the mask to reveal a face that had only been revealed to a select few. The face is unremarkable, perhaps even handsome. Framed by dark curls, wide eyes stare back at you. A long nose leads down to a narrow chin. The only truly striking feature is the long scar that runs diagonally from his forehead and down across one cheek.  
“Your future is not uncertain.” Without the modulator, his voice is deep and slightly melodic. “You will be trained. Your powers will grow and you will play your role in the defeat of the Resistance.”  
“That’s reassuring,” you mutter. He has more faith in you than you do in yourself. You don’t feel powerful or chosen for some special destiny. Right now, you feel scared and very, very small.  
“Tell me about your powers.” You take a deep breath and start from the beginning, the first time the powers became apparent, then dormant, the nightmares, all of it. “My mother and Supreme Leader Snoke both think that there is some connection between the powers coming back and the Jedi reemerging.”  
“Your mother is wise,” he nods. “Her reputation is well known. Her work with the Empire, with Darth Vader.” You smile slightly at his words. “She only trained with him briefly, just before his death. But she still speaks very highly of him.” Your mother had been in the process of training to become part of the Inqusitiorious when the Empire fell. Despite the circumstances surrounding his death, she still carried an enormous amount of respect for the fallen Sith Lord, Vader. “I think she thought of him as sort of a father figure,” you continue.  
Something flashes in Kylo’s eyes and he nods. “It seems we have that in common.” He goes on to tell you that not many people know that Anakin Skywalker married in secret and his wife bore him two children, Luke and… “Leia!” you blurt out, not even entirely sure where the word came from. “My mother,” he affirms. “The darling princess of the Rebel Allaince.” His voice is bitter, positively dripping with scorn.  
Even before being told you were to become his apprentice, you knew about Kylo Ren, leader of the Knights of Ren, his destruction of the Jedi and his more recent battle on Starkiller Base. Not nothing could have prepared you to find out about his connection to the legendary group of terrorists that brought down the Empire. What must it be like for him? Having his past haunt him like that? You feel an unexpected surge of sympathy toward him.  
Kylo seems lost in thought for a moment before turning his gaze back to you. “We’ve shared our family secrets, now, but in the interest of saving time…” He reaches a gloved hand toward you. “May I?” Instinctively, you know what he wants. It is, after all, his specialty, probing the minds of his victims, extracting their deepest secrets and turning their own thoughts against them. “You’re asking permission?” You know the question sounds harsh and you inwardly cringe at your sudden boldness. Something almost resembling a smile flashes across Kylo’s face and he leans forward in his chair toward you. “If I am to be your teacher, you will need to trust me,” he says. “There is nothing to be gained if you don’t. I will not enter your mind without your consent.”  
You nod, eyes still trained on his hand and outstretched fingers. Immediately you feel him, the pressure on your mind as your thoughts give way. The room around you blurs and you hear his voice “Good… good. Just relax.” The nightmares and the temple adorned with tall pillars. Waking, drenched in your own sweat. The smiling face of your mother and Quica, your pet pitten. That overwhelming sense of loneliness that comes with the dreams. The uniformed officer, standing framed by the doorway, datapad in his hand. You mother falling to her knees.  
“Noooo!” The voice that shatters the whirlwind of images is not your mother’s, but your own. There are tears on your cheeks and you’re panting for breath, but your mind is clear. You thoughts are your own again. Kylo stares back at you, his face unreadable and his hand withdrawn. “I’m sorry!” you gasp. “I… I don’t know what happened.”  
“Impressive,” he muses. “Your powers are… well developed. You were able to resist.” He pauses for several moments, tapping one long finger on the table, before continuing in clipped tones. “I’ve only known one other able to do that.” The bitterness in his voice increases. “The filthy scavenger.”  
Looking back at you, Kylo cocks his head to one side. “Perhaps when you are fully trained to your complete potential, I’ll let you deal with her, as a treat.” You know nothing about any scavengers, but whoever she is, if Kylo wants you to “deal with her”, you will.  
“Just teach me,” you beg, as you wipe the tears from your cheeks. “Show me how to creep into their minds and read their thoughts or how to crush their bodies without laying a hand on them. Just show me! Please! And I swear I’ll destroy anyone you put in front of me.”  
“Such eagerness to learn,” he nods. “I will show you. You have a lot to learn and not all of it will be easy.”  
“I’ll do it. Whatever you ask me to. If it will help. If it will save… everyone.” You realize the tremendous pressure placed on you. The fate of the First Order, of the entire galaxy. For the first time, it strikes you how much pressure you are truly under and fear grips your insides.  
“You are loyal,” Kylo observes. You shrug. “I try to be.” He leans forward, placing his hands on the table, long fingers splayed out over the surface. “That loyalty belongs to me now.” His voice is low, possessive. “Not to your mother or The First Order. Not even to Supreme Leader Snoke. It is mine.”  
You nod, unable to look away from him. It’s only your first meeting, but you can’t conceive of ever betraying him. Even as you continue staring, he leans back in his chair and begins tugging on the fingers of one of his leather gloves. “An experiment,” he proposes and he holds out an enormous hand toward you. “You have proven yourself adept at resisting. How well can you read my thoughts?” You look up from his outstretched hand back into his face. “What?!” you stammer. “I wouldn’t even know how to begin!”  
You’ve never intentionally tried to see into someone’s thoughts before. It’s always sort of just happened outside of your control. Even if you were to be able to see into Kylo’s mind, what would you find there? The thought was even more frightening than the man who sat before you. “Try,” his voice has taken on a low and soothing quality. “The physical contact will make it easier.”  
You watch your fingers trembling as you reach out and place your hand in his. You’re sure he could block you out if he wanted to, but you meet little resistance as you sift through the images and memories. There is fear and so much anger there. His mother, warm brown eyes and braids woven around her head. Who is the bearded Jedi? The masked visage of Darth Vader appears briefly only to fade away and be replaced by a gigantic holographic image you know to be that of Supreme Leader Snoke. A snowy forest, the darkness punctuated by the clashing of lightsabers. Someone carding their fingers through his hair and humming. Loss and so much betrayal. The stricken face of the grey haired man as the lightsaber pierces his body.  
The realization hits you and you immediately pull back, untangling yourself from his thoughts and ripping your hand from his. “Your… dad?” your voice is shaking and you suddenly feel weak. Kylo’s face is impassive as he withdraws his hand, flexing his long fingers. “You know why I had to do it.” You nod as you feel the tears begin to fill your eyes again. Not for the fallen smuggler and rebel hero, but for his son. You do know why he had to do it, to sever the last of that connection. You can feel his abandonment as if it were your own and you ache for him.  
“I do,” you frantically wipe at your eyes as you try to catch your breath, the images and emotions still threatening to overwhelm you. Kylo, meanwhile has busied himself, putting his glove back on and glances up at you. “I think we’ll conclude today’s lesson.” His voice softens. “Are you all right?” You draw a shaky breath, attempt to smile and fail spectacularly. “I… um. I feel kind of sick, honestly.” You stomach is rolling and you can feel the beads of sweat on your forehead.  
Kylo stands. “I’ll send for your escort. You should rest.” You’re dimly aware of him talking into the comm. panel on the wall, demanding that the guard see you safely back to your quarters as you shakily rise to your feet, still gripping the back of your chair. “Umm, Commander Ren?” He turns back to you. “I think, by this point, you can call me Kylo.”  
“Kylo,” saying his name out loud feels strange. “I just wanted to say thank you, for agreeing to do this, to train me and everything. I know it’s in the best interest of the First Order, but I want you to know how much I appreciate it.”  
He stares back at you as the chime to the door sounds behind him. “Rest,” he repeats, picking up his mask from the table and placing it back over his head. “You will need it.”


	2. Triangles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's apprentice is testing her powers and learning where her loyalties lie and just how far her master is willing to go to ensure that devotion stays firmly in place.

“Y/N!” General Hux stops you in the hall and fixes you with a piercing blue stare. “I’ve not had a chance to speak to you since your training began and have been meaning to ask you how you are doing?”  
Blinking, you attempt to meet his eye. “I’m… fine ?” you stammer, surprised at having been addressed by such a high ranking figure. You know that your mother has spoken of you to the general and together, they had taken the dilemma of you reemerging powers to Supreme Leader Snoke. You are baffled, however, why he would take a personal interest in you.  
He smiles at your words but the smile soon fades at the sound of approaching footsteps. “Commander Ren,” he greets the newcomer, derision apparent in his tone.  
“Her training is of no concern to you,” Kylo warns. Hux squares his shoulders and pulls himself up to his full, imposing height. “You would do well to remember, Ren, that I am now the general of this base and her…”  
"Walk away, General. Now.” His voice is lower and even the voice modulator can’t disguise the warning in his words. Hux looks as if he wants to say more. His eye twitches and his fingers curl around the handle of an imaginary blaster, but he turns on his heel and walks away.  
Utterly confused by the seemingly hostile encounter, you turn to your master. Face hidden beneath the mask, you have no way of telling what he might be thinking. You dare not try to enter his mind to find out and doubt your scant training would even allow you to do so. “Speaking to him will only clutter your mind.” His tone is harsh and clipped. “He was just asking how I was,” you whisper. “And you do not have to answer him!” He turns his faceless gaze from the departing form of the general back to you. “He is beneath you. They all are.”  
“Even the general? Of the entire base” Kylo does not speak for several seconds and, when he does, his tone is sarcastic, almost teasing. “The next time the general wishes to know how you are, look into his mind. And you’ll see just how pathetic his thoughts truly are.” You look momentarily scandalized. “I couldn’t do that!” you whisper. Such a thing is unthinkable. "You will do so if I tell you to.” Kylo’s reply is simple, but the meaning is apparent. You have been given an order and must obey. A flicker of a frown crosses your face before you push the resentment aside. You hold your head up and focus on your minute reflection in his mask. “All right,” you nod. 

 

Reading Kylo’s thoughts had been easy. What had he granted you access to? Pushed to the forefront, allowed you to see? Seeing into your mother’s mind was also effortless, after all you’d been doing it since before you realized you could. But a stranger would be more difficult. Especially a stranger who could easily have you executed if he found out.  
The opportunity presents itself later in the week as you spot General Hux eating alone in the Executive Dining Room. After years of working with Supreme Leader Snoke and Kylo Ren, he must know how to close his mind and shield his thoughts. Surely, an amateur like yourself doesn’t stand a chance.  
“General Hux!” You put on your brightest smile and approach him with a hand extended. He looks up from his meal, surprise and pleasure flashing across his sharp features. “I…” you stutter and trip on your words as his mind gives over to you easily. “I realize you were only trying to be polite when you asked how I was doing the other day.” What is he so afraid of? You probe a little deeper, finding no resistance. “I apologize for the confusion. I am still learning my place and what is expected of me…” This is a lot more difficult than you thought it would be, trying to maintain the friendly face and the polite small talk, while simultaneously taking stock of a powerful man’s darkest fears.  
But General Hux only smiles graciously. Basking in the attention, he apologizes for Kylo Ren’s rash behavior and the toll it takes on more “civilized” people. His voice fades to a dull whine as you focus on something that has just popped to the forefront of his thoughts.

 

“You are distracted.” Not a question, but a statement that brings you back to the moment. Kylo Ren has been staring at you for the last several seconds as you stare off into nothingness. “I am,” you admit. “I’m sorry.” He raises an eyebrow at you. “I did what you told me,” you blurt out. “I ran into General Hux and I looked into his mind. Just like you said.”  
“And?” Kylo leans forward slightly in his chair. “He’s afraid,” you answer. “So afraid. Mostly of failure,” you explain. “But also what people think of him. He desperately wants everyone to be impressed by him.” You pause, not sure how to continue. Kylo peers into your eyes. “There was something else.”  
You sigh. “He thinks… he thinks I’m pretty.” The word tastes sour on your tongue. Kylo’s fists clench briefly on the table. “You are not flattered?” He asks. “General Hux is a powerful man. Most women would find him to be a very good match.”  
“Maybe I’m not most women,” you mutter, twitching your shoulders irritably. The conversation has taken a decidedly personal turn and you’re feeling a bit defensive. Something almost resembling a smile tugs at the corner of Kylo’s lips. "Look,” you explain. “General Hux is a powerful man. I respect him, maybe even admire him. But I just don’t… return any kind of attraction.” Suddenly you’re wishing to be back in the dining room with Hux, looking into his thoughts. That conversation was somehow less awkward and uncomfortable than this one.  
Kylo waves his hand dismissively. “Love is a useless emotion anyway.”  
“That’s the truth,” you whisper. Of course he heard you and of course he has to ask, his tone dripping with sarcasm, if you’d ever been in love. There’s no sense in keeping the truth from him. You couldn’t lie to him even if you wanted to. “I thought I was,” you sigh. “As much as you think you can be when you’re only seventeen.”  
“It ended badly,” another statement. “Of course it did,” you reply. Taking a deep breath, you continue. “He was always trying to pressure me to do things that I wasn’t ready for… physical things. And he just got tired of waiting.” You’re surprised to discover you were still bitter over something that happened so many years ago. “He told me that he wasn’t going to wait for me to give him what he could easily find somewhere else.” It’s the next part that really hurts and is difficult to speak of. You take a deep breath. “I just wish he hadn’t found it in my best friend.”  
And there it is. Your past had been sheltered and pampered, but you’d known love. Only to know the sting of betrayal.  
Kylo continues to stare at you as you furiously blink back tears. “Where is he now?” he asks. “I have no idea,” you sniff, more than happy for the distraction and wave your hand dismissively. “We finished school and I lost track of him.”  
Kylo’s dark eyes bore into yours as he leans across the table towards you. “I could have him tracked down… killed.”  
“What?!” you splutter. “No! That’s… really? You would? NO! I mean… no. That’s really not necessary. ” Kylo shrugs. “The offer stands. If you ever change your mind.”  
You shake your head in bewilderment. “You would track down my ex-boyfriend from five years ago and have him murdered!”  
“I would kill him myself,” Kylo interrupts. His voice is smooth, as if he were commenting on the weather. “Why?!” you demand. Doesn’t he have enough on his plate? Commanding the Knights of Ren, fighting with the First Order and now training you. Is his new apprentice so important already that he’s willing to kill for her?  
You question is answered as Kylo stares at you. “He hurt you,” he replies as if it were the most obvious thing in the galaxy. You still don’t understand. He’d told you that all your loyalty belonged to him. And it did. But you never expected him to be as equality devoted to you. The knowledge is somewhat comforting, but also frightening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know jealousy is a terrible contrived plot device and I have little patience for it, myself. But here, it serves it's brief purpose of helping out characters slowly realize the bond between them. Then it will go "poof", off the place where clichés go to die.  
> To the 0.0075 people who are reading this, thank you.


	3. Family Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the bond between Kylo and his apprentice deepens, talk soon turns to their families and respective pasts.

“As you are aware,” Kylo tells you one day. “Our training is not just teaching you to master The Force. It is also strengthening the bond between us.”  
“Is there?” you ask tentatively. “A bond between us?”  
“Of course,” he answers crisply. “Neither of us would be here if there wasn’t.”  
Naturally, you’ve read about Force Bonds before. But never imagined that’s what you and Kylo shared. Somehow you’d always thought of the two of you as being pushed together, part of some grander destiny, each begrudging the other’s part in it only slightly.  
“You never did finish telling me about your family,” he raises an eyebrow at you as you try not to scowl in return. As you remember it, you didn’t tell him anything. You forced him from your mind when his sorting through memories became too much to bear. “Don’t you have access to the files on my parents?” you ask.  
“Certainly,” he answers and continues in a bored voice. “Your mother, trained under Lord Vader until his death, after which time she became a spy for the First Order. And your father was a weapons system designer. But that’s not their whole story, is it? Not like you can tell it.”  
You take a deep breath and prepare yourself to relive it. You tell him about your mother and her long and sometimes dangerous missions, how it was your father who always came home just in time to relive the nanny at bedtime. Your dad knew the best bedtime stories.  
You tell Kylo about how everything changed after your father’s death when you were 11. “He was overseeing the installation of a ventral cannon on a Star Destroyer. When the rigging slipped.” After that, there were no more bedtime stories. Your mother made an effort to stay home more, taking on an advisory role in her work and moving you to another base. But work was all she’d ever known and the adjustment was just as difficult for her as it was for you.  
The two of you had really only grown closer in the last few years. She was absent most of your childhood and had no idea how to deal with you after the first emergence of your powers the year after you father had died.  
“At least you are close to your mother,” he muses. “Mine…” He shakes his head. “Never should have had me.”  
“You don’t mean that?!” you ask in horror. You know about his parentage, at least, if not his upbringing. And though, it was certainly nothing to be proud of, surely he doesn’t blame himself.  
“Don’t I?” he snaps. “A mother and father who were thrust together and only thought they were in love because of the circumstances surrounding them. A son they never truly wanted or could be bothered to care for. The result of a celebratory fuck following the defeat of The Empire.”  
You blush at his harsh language and look down at you hands in your lap. “They never wanted me,” Kylo continues. “And the first chance they had, they shipped me off to become a Jedi like my coward uncle.” His uncle? You remember looking into his thoughts and memories at your first meeting and seeing the bearded and hooded face of an older man. That must have been him.  
It takes a few moments for you to make the connection and realize that the uncle is none other than Luke Skywalker. Luke Skyalker, a nobody kid from Tatooine, a self-taught pilot who somehow manages to harness The Force and play a pivotal role in the Empire’s destruction. Everything you’ve learned in school and all your father’s bedtime stories have taught you that Luke Skywalker is a traitor, a war criminal and a murderer. And he, like the rest of the Jedi, was evil, and never to be trusted. You loathe him even more now.  
“I am sorry,” you whisper. “It can’t be easy, having all that in your past.” You have a sudden to reach out to him, take his hand and comfort him. But you know better. Such an attempt would probably cost you your life. But your compassion for him nearly takes your breath away.  
“It is my past,” Kylo replies, “But it is not my burden. It does not define me.” You nod slowly, thinking of your own parents, your absent mother, who perhaps loved her work more than her daughter. Your father, who doted on you up until his untimely death left your spirit as broken as his body had been. And you understand, they are yours, but they are not you.  
And even if the past was a horror-filled and shameful and Kylo’s had been, you could still walk away from it just as he did and not let it follow you. Your sympathy for him melts away slightly as something hotter and fiercer takes is place. You are proud of him.


	4. Forces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learning to harness and control the Force proves to be both a challenge and second nature.

Taking control of your powers had been easier than you’d expected. It wasn’t really controlling anything after all. It was give and take. Asking the Force to work with you, shaping and molding it to your desires. And though Kylo still demanded a great deal as a teacher, you found this aspect of your training at least somewhat easy. He indulged you with a grim smile as you levitated the chairs around the conference room table, letting them hover over your heads, before bringing them gracefully back down.  
He’s not generous with his praise, so you’re thrilled when you do receive it. But your training does not consist entirely of making objects fly or stopping them in midair as Klyo hurls one after another at you.  
You are assigned seemingly endless hours of reading Imperial and Sith history, which is always followed by questions and discussions. Some days Kylo teams up with Captain Phasma for your combat and weapons training. Your target practice is much more accurate when your using the Force, but you can field strip and clean a blaster in less than a minute.  
You can tell you’re making progress and it feels good. At night, you fall into bed in your tiny quarters, your head spinning and your muscles aching. But unlike before your training began, you sleep soundly. There are no more nightmares. No more waking up crying, wracked with loneliness and nameless fear.  
On your few and far between free days, you enjoy meeting with your mother and telling her about your training while trying to leave out as many details as possible. Your pet pitten plays with you, batting at your fingers like nothing has changed. You miss her and wonder vaguely if you can have her in your quarters with you. But you know better. She would be a distraction.  
“You seem happy,” your mother tells you and you admit that you are. You have a purpose now and all the power and abilities that once seemed like and abnormality or a burden and becoming second nature. The bond with your mother has strengthened despite your physical distance and you find it much easier to read her thoughts and emotions, laughing even before she even makes the joke about how ridiculous you would look dressed in Stormtrooper armor.  
One morning, you’re surprised to find the drab, grey standard issue First order clothing in your closet replaced by your own clothes. You revel in the comfort and the familiarity of the feel against your skin.  
The fabrics smell familiar, like your room in your old quarters: incense and lotion and pitten fur. But the scent isn’t home anymore. Home is the dedlanite of a blaster pistol, the upholstery of the conference room chairs. Home is the glare of a datapad screen and a deep, slightly melodic voice. Home is Kylo Ren.


	5. Grandfather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar face makes an appearance.

You’re completely perplexed as you follow your usual Stormtrooper escort down the corridor. He’s informed you that Kylo Ren wishes to conduct your training in his private quarters today instead of your customary impersonal conference room.  
You wordlessly follow and wonder what new phase of your training awaits you. He’s allowed you to peer into his mind only once, and you’re still somewhat haunted by what you’d found there, the fear and loneliness, the image of his father pierced by the glowing saber. Perhaps seeing where and how he lives will give you some new level of insight into your master. Will his quarters be sparse and plain or full of Imperial antiquities? Instruments of torture, perhaps?  
“Here you are, Miss.” Your heart pounds as the trooper leaves you at the door and makes his way back down the corridor. As if somehow alerted to your presence (he must know you’re out there), the door opens and you find yourself facing Kylo Ren as he stands on the threshold.  
He silently steps aside and motions for you to enter. As you walk past him, you register that he is wearing his mask and wonder if he wears it even when in his own quarters. He never dons the mask during your training sessions and you’ve grown so accustomed to his face that the sight of the mask unnerves you and you’re reminded of just how intimidating he can be.  
He’s seen everything in your head, your hopes and fears, those damn recurring dreams. Though he’d sworn to never enter your mind without your permission, you wonder just how much your emotions are betrayed in your face or voice. In truth, he still frightens you, despite the tenuous bond forming between the two of you. His lodgings are indeed simple, utilitarian even, the requisite work surfaces and chairs punctuated only by the occasional Sith artifact or text. He leads you t o the main sitting area and bids you to sit in one of the chairs surrounding a low table.  
He removes his mask and places it on the table, but remains standing, towering over you. “I am very pleased with how your training has progressed,” he tells you. You murmur a thank you and struggle to meet his eyes. “Your powers grow stronger every day and your willingness to learn has not wavered.” In spite of yourself, you can’t help but duck your head and smile at the compliment. Your fierce dedication to him has not gone unnoticed after all.  
“I think the time has come that I may share something with you.” You nod encouragingly, your heart buoyed by the fact that he’s willing to share anything with you, but still apprehensive at what that it may be.  
He leaves the room, disappearing into the darkness of the hallway and returns moments later, bearing a large box. You frown as he places the box on the table directly in front of you, your curiosity growing. “I have not shown this to another person,” he says solemnly. “It is my most cherished possession,” He pauses, considering his words. “If I am capable of cherishing anything. You may open it.”  
You ease the lid open and gasp audibly as soon as you see the contents. Nestled in the box, though melted and distorted as it may be, the mask of Darth Vader is unmistakable. The hardware that once kept him alive is now charred and blistered, shattered and pitted, technology long outdated.  
Your hand trembles as you hold it over the box, unable to touch what it holds inside, but unwilling to draw it back yet. “Is it…? Is that really him?” you whisper. You feel rather than see Kylo nod beside you.  
You’d heard the stories of course, the legends about the man/machine clad in black armor and how the mere sound of his breathing could bring even the most seasoned Rebel fighter to his knees. You’d heard your mother speak of him and the brief time they’d worked together. Even Kylo had revealed to you on the first day of your training with him, that Lord Vader was, in fact his grandfather. But even with those connections, those thin fibers tying you to him, it was still easier to believe that Darth Vader existed somewhere outside of reality.  
But now, as you gaze into the mask that still holds most of its distinctive skull-like shape despite the distorting effects of his funeral pyre, you can’t help feeling that not only was Darth Vader alive and very much real, he is somehow also there in the room with you.  
The empty sockets seem to stare back, seeing deeper into your soul than even his grandson has. You look back up at Kylo to find him watching you intently, gauging your reaction. Perhaps it’s only the lingering smell of burnt and twisted plasteel and melted electrodes blending together and making you imagine the smell of burned flesh.  
This is the face that instilled fear in the hearts of the Rebellion, that saw the construction of the Death Stars. This was the last image that countless enemies and insubordinate and feckless officers had seen as they met death in his grip. “You can almost feel him, can’t you?” you ask, glancing back up at Kylo. You swallow hard, hand fluttering to your throat. “Like it’s hard to breathe.”  
Drawing a shuddering breath, you turn your gaze back to the burned visage and are surprised to feel the tears filling your eyes. You blink and hastily swipe at them as they spill over. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.” Kylo circles around to stand behind your chair. “You recognize being in the presence of such power,” his voice is low and soothing.  
You nod mutely, as your vision blurs and Vader’s mask all but disappears. The sense of power in the room is indeed palpable, the air heavy with it. Behind you, Kylo presses leather clad fingers into your shoulders. “You are his now,” he affirms. “Just as you are mine.”


	6. Comfort of reading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpectedly thrown together one day, the bond grows stronger between Kylo Ren and his apprentice. And the boundaries break down even more.

Your escort leaves you at the door to his quarters, the same way he does every day. Perhaps it’s a different trooper every day, you wonder as you grant him his customary “Thank you” and watch as he walks away. Imagine, being a lethal and efficient Stormtrooper, skilled in the art of battle, tasked with the job of escorting Kylo Ren’s strange little apprentice to and from her training sessions with him. You smile and vow to be a little nicer to your daily escorts as you punch in the access code on the keypad by the door.  
It’s been a few weeks since Kylo has switched over your training sessions from the impersonal conference room to his private quarters. Though the rooms are devoid of mementos or decorations, little things that would reveal more of his personality, you feel that the switch of locations itself, means that the bond between you has grown even stronger.  
It obvious he wasn’t expecting you the moment you walk in. He rises from his chair, data pad still dangling from his hand. The mask is gone and does nothing to hide the momentary flash of confusion that crosses his face. It passes though, and soon gives way to annoyance. “What are you doing here?” he snaps. “Did you not receive the message that today’s session was cancelled?”  
You’d seen him irritated before, when he speaks of his parents or Genera Hux, but never has his ire been aimed directly at you. “I… didn’t,” you whisper, taking a step back and shaking your head. “I can leave. I can come back,” you stammer as you gesture back towards the door.  
“It’s no matter,” Kylo sighs, tossing the datapad onto his chair. “I just needed to catch up on some work.” You watch his as he strides to a nearby bookshelf and takes down an enormous tome. “Here.” He hands you the book. “You may as well stay. We can study together.”  
The Book of Sith. You remember hearing your mother talking about it. But legend had it that the book had fallen into Luke Skywalker’s hands and had been subsequently destroyed. It doesn’t surprise you at all to see it in his nephew’s possession instead. You take the book from his hand, admiring the embossed cover.  
Opening the book, you settle yourself on the floor near the chair, a childhood habit that you’d never grown out of. Seconds pass before you realize that Kylo is still standing, frowning at you and probably thinking how ridiculous you look. “Sorry,” you murmur, struggling to rise. “I’ve always liked to sit on the floor to read.”  
He holds out a hand to stop you. “Stay. If you are comfortable, there is no sense in moving.” He retrieves the datapad and sits in the chair behind you. “Just be quiet and don’t distract me.” You smile as you go back to your book. Distraction won’t be a problem. Just as you never outgrew other childhood habits, you never outgrew your love of books. And it isn’t long until you’ve lost yourself entirely in Sorzun Syn and the Second Great Schism.  
You reemerge into reality long enough to acknowledge to the slight cramp in your neck, lean back against the chair, balancing the heavy book on your knees and continue reading. Just as Darth Bane is exploring the Rule of Two, something pulls you back to reality once more. A slight touch on the back of your head. A gentle tug on your hair. Taking in your surroundings, you realize that, in leaning back against the chair, you’ve somehow also nestled yourself against Kylo’s legs. You squeeze your eyes shut in mortification.  
Perhaps he’s so lost in his own reading that he’s not even aware of your position. You’re contemplating how to move away with drawing his attention, when you feel the slight pull in your hair again. This time you’re certain it wasn’t your imagination or some wayward beetul that had gotten in. Out of the corner of your eye you see and flicker of movement, of leather clad fingers idly twirling another strand before letting it fall back down.  
Since you began your training with him, Kylo hadn’t been one for physical contact, let alone anything as familiar and intimate as playing with your hair. Your initial shock melts away and you can’t help smiling. If he trusts you enough to let you sit at his feet, so be it. And if he’s comfortable enough that the demons are quiet and he can lose himself, you will gladly stand guard and keep them at bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started off as a one-shot that was, quite literally based on a dream I had. I'm glad I found a way to work it into the whole story.


	7. Pain and Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If she is to learn it, she must first feel it. Kylo's apprentice experiences firsthand the terrible power of which she is capable.

Kylo Ren knows that Supreme Leader Snoke trusts him, believes in his powers enough to allow him to take on and train an apprentice. She had proven herself to be extremely powerful, albeit slightly emotional and teaching her had not been nearly the burden he had imagined.  
“She possesses an enormous amount of power and a constant willingness to learn. Her loyalty is unwavering and it has been… very rewarding to teach her.” Kylo stands with his hands clasped and peers into the face of his master, looming above him. A hint of a smile tugs at the corner of Snoke’s twisted mouth. “You have grown… fond of her.” Not a question, more an accusation, closer to a taunt.  
Kylo frowns. He is not fond of anybody or anything. He has only opened up to her because he knows how important she is to the First Order. If she is to truly learn from him, he knows he must teach her, show her everything, pour his own powers into her.  
“I am committed to her training,” Kylo answers his master stiffly. “Nothing more.”  
Snoke leans forward over Kylo, his giant form almost enveloping him. “It is only the Jedi who frown on romantic relationships,” he rumbles. “The Dark Side was always embraced such attachments. We gain strength from them, they fuel our power.”  
“There is no attachment,” Kylo answers before the deep voice of Snoke cuts him off. “You have allowed to infiltrate your mind.”  
“Only once, as part of her training. And only to see if she was able to do so.” Snoke waves his hand, long fingers dismissing Kylo’s explanation. “You misunderstand,” he intones. “You think about her. When your mind should be otherwise occupied. You’ve even begun to dream about her.” Snoke’s voice is still calm, but Kylo can’t miss the smugness, the hint of mocking that is there.  
He stares back into Snoke’s holographic eyes. “If my thoughts have strayed, it is only to devise new ways to train her, to challenge her.”  
“You are protective of her.”  
“Naturally. She is of great importance to the First Order. We cannot afford to allow anything to harm her.” Kylo tries hard to hide the frustration in his voice, but the supreme leader knows. He always knows.  
Snoke folds his long fingers under his chin and fixes Kylo with a glare. “If someone were to hurt her?”  
Kylo meets his stare. “They would be punished.” Snoke’s glare slowly fades only to be replaced by a twisted smirk. “And if you were to hurt her?’ Kylo closes his eyes and slowly exhales. Not for nothing is he the supreme leader’s apprentice and what his master is implying is only too clear.  
“It would be a disservice to you if you were to spare her, to not show her what others are capable of, what she, herself is capable of,” Snoke continues.  
“If she is to learn to inflict it or control it, do you not agree that she should first feel it?” Kylo knows that he is being more than just a helpful suggestion in Y/N’s training.  
Supreme Leader Snoke is testing him, inviting him to prove where his loyalties do indeed lie. Are they with his apprentice with whom he’s slowly forming a bond or are they with the vast hologram looking down on him, his leader and only father figure he’s even known? Kylo knows what he must do.

 

You’re utterly confused when your Stormtrooper escort leads you down a maze of unfamiliar hallways to a training room instead of Kylo Ren’s personal quarters. The last several weeks you had gotten used to meeting in his quarters, the personal conversations, followed by the Force training. It was exhausting, but you’d come to depend on its familiarity.  
You feel the fluttering of fear as you escort punches in the access code and leaves you standing at the open door. Kylo stands in the empty room, in full dress, including his mask and cowl. “Come forward,” he greets you.  
Standing before him, you stare up into the silver lines of his mask and realize just how much you’ve grown to take him and your meetings for granted. His patience and praise of your training and growing skills and all the intimate information exchanged about your pasts and families, all that is gone now. And the Kylo Ren standing there now is the Kylo Ren from your first meeting, the tall and terrifying figure who could rape your mind and crush your body. You swallow and struggle to hold his gaze.  
“We have reached a new phase in our training,” his words are precise and slightly cold. “Your weapons and combat training are coming nicely, even Captain Phasma agrees.” You frown and wait for him to continue. Surely all this pomp and circumstance isn’t just to tell you what a good job you’re doing.  
“But there are other, subtler, ways to hurt an opponent. Since you have already proven yourself to be an adept Force user, this is the next logical step in your training.”  
“Inflict Pain,” you whisper. You’ve read about it in your studies and know its power. You’re just surprised he would start with anything so extreme and not lead into it with something less intimidating. Isn’t there some way to use the Dark Side to simply give your opponent a nosebleed? You think you’d prefer to start with that, but you know that, if you are going to learn something, the best way is to experience it for yourself first. You squeeze your eyes shut and steel yourself for the agony.  
When nothing happens, you open one eye and chance a peek at Kylo. He stands before you, not moving and you wonder if he’s waiting to surprise you or perhaps he’s already working and the pain is so subtle, you can’t feel it yet.  
“You know why I have to do this,’’ his voice is soft, with an almost pleading tone to it. “Don’t you?”  
“Of course,” you nod. “If I’m going to learn it and use it, I need to feel it. I want to feel it.” Your original apprehension has given way to a rush of adrenaline. You can feel your blood, pounding in your ears and you’re ready. You look down at your feet, firmly planted on the training room floor and your clenched fists. You look back up at Kylo’s masked face. He holds and hand out toward you, fingers outstretched. “I promise I’ll be…”  
“Don’t,” you interrupt him. “Don’t spare me.” He nods almost imperceptibly and immediately you feel the tendrils of discomfort wrap themselves around you. You twitch your shoulders and swift your weight, trying to accommodate the sensations. But the pain only grows. It’s in your head, putting pressure on your brain and you feel your ears pop. You gasp and bite your lip as the pain intensifies. You remember the time, when you were nine years old and you slipped while running and broke your arm. You thought that was the worst pain ever, but it was nothing compared this this. Surely, every bone in your body must be on fire now. You don’t even realize that you’ve fallen to your knees until you see the training room floor swimming before your eyes.  
Up until now, you’ve kept quiet, but you can’t help the whimper that escapes your lips as the pain moves down your spine, burning through your spinal cord like a lit fuse. Your last line of defense against the mounting agony is to curl into a ball and make yourself as small as possible. You wait for death. It must be close, you think. Perhaps that was the plan all along, for Kylo Ren to kill you.  
You know nothing but pain. There is only darkness and the fire that is consuming you. You are only vaguely aware of the fact that you still have ears, as all you can hear is screaming. Is it you screaming? Is it your mother?  
Then, quite suddenly there is nothing. You are lying on the floor, panting, but the pain is gone. You slowly stretch your arms and flex your fingers. You make it onto your hands and knees before you look up and see an enormous, gloved hand in front of you. Not thinking twice about the terrible pain he’d just inflicted on you, you gratefully reach for Kylo’s hand like a lifeline. The leather of his glove is cool and soothing as you allow him to pull you to your feet.  
“That was…” words fail you as you sway on the spot. “Yes, it was,” he agrees crisply. “Now stay there and don’t move.”  
You watch through heavily lidded eyes as he walks to the speaker on the wall and orders someone to take you back to your room. “Make sure she goes to bed, but don’t… don’t touch her!” You smile at his possessive words and stifle a giggle at the image of an armored Stormtrooper tucking you into bed like your father used to. Maybe he’ll even tell you a story.  
You feel Kylo’s hand on you elbow and he leads you to a bench against one wall. You hear his voice above you. “I am…” he pauses and draws a deep breath that you can hear even through the mask and modulator. “I cannot be sorry.”  
You close your eyes and lean your head back against the wall. You listen you the sound of your pounding heartbeat in your ears and wait.


	8. Tea and Sympathy

You walk into Kylo’s quarters expecting your usual training session, use of the Force, Imperial history, perhaps even a trip to one of the training rooms for combat or weapons training. The last thing you were expecting was to be greeted by the sight of him seated at the table with a full service of tea set out.  
“Tea?” you blurt out as you stop in your tracks. Between training sessions, you’d had the odd personal conversation, discussing your families or, more often than not, your fears and anxieties regarding your future. But a casual talk over a cup of tea is uncharted territory.  
He raises his eyebrows at your amazingly astute observation. “Tea,” he affirms, indicating the empty chair across from him. “We’ve been busy focusing on your training lately, and you’ve been working very hard, but perhaps it’s time to take a break. Especially, in light of yesterday’s session.”  
“It’s all right,” you assure him as you slip into the empty seat. “I’m fine now. And, you’re right, I have to learn.” You take a cup and wrap your fingers around it, relishing the warmth.   
“How are you?” Kylo asks you, “Honestly.” You smile. It would be so easy for him to just read your thoughts, but true to his word, he hadn’t entered your mind since your first meeting when he asked permission. It doesn’t make any difference anyway. You couldn’t imagine ever lying to him.   
“I’m all right,” you admit. “It gets easier every day.” You pause. “Except yesterday, of course.” You sip your tea and startle at the familiar taste. “Is this Sapir Tea?” you ask and Kylo nods. You can’t help smiling. “I used to love Sapir Tea when I was younger,” you muse. “I haven’t had it in years.” You take another sip. The strong taste brings back memories of your father before he was killed, waiting with him for your mother to return home from various missions, Jogan fruit and bedtime stories about old Imperial heroes.   
Kylo takes a drink of his own tea. “It is a rarity in this day and age,” he replies. “So you are doing well. That is excellent.”  
“I think, one of the most important things to me has been learning about my abilities and gaining confidence in them.” Kylo nods and you continue. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, but, growing up, I always felt like I lived in her shadow.” Surely, with parents like his, he must understand that point.   
You plow on, wondering why it’s so easy to tell him things like this. “I was always pampered and sheltered. I never did anything because I never had to do anything. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for you and all of this… I would probably be married off to some Frist Order officer, giving him First Order babies. And I never wanted that destiny, but I resigned myself that it was my lot in life.” Dammit, you can feel your eyes fill with tears.  
Kylo frowns. Whether at the tears or your words, you’re not certain. “I can assure you, you are meant for more than Fist Order marriage and children. You are extraordinarily powerful and, through that power, you will accomplish great things.” Reflexively, he reaches a hand toward you only to suddenly draw it back again. You glance from your own hand resting on the table, back up to him. If you didn’t know better, you’d swear he was going to put his hand over yours. But you do know better. Don’t you? The two of you continue to stare at one another until he breaks the tension. “Finish your tea. We have work to do.”  
“Of… of course,” you stammer as you take another sip. The taste is still comforting even if the drink scalds your tongue.


	9. Flaring temper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's Ren apprentice sees, for the first time, the destruction he is capable of when his anger ignites.

Kylo tells you the following morning, that you will be taking a break from your usual one-on-one training and instead you will be accompanying him as he tends to his command duties at the base. Now that he is almost fully recovered from his injury, Supreme Leader feels it necessary for him to resume at least some of his previous routine.  
There is a group that has been working tirelessly on trying to intercept transmission from The Resistance, Kylo explains as you walk down the hall. And last night, he received a report that they had found something of interest.   
Together, you walk into the room. The officer standing by the entrance nods at your arrival and you stand by the door with him, ready to respectfully observe. Two technicians stand close together by the console, their eyes downcast. “Where is the transmission?” Kylo asks as he approaches them. The technicians glance at each other, back down at the floor and finally up to Kylo’s gaze. “I’m sorry, Commander,” one of them blurts out. His voice is shaking with fear. “Something happened and we lost it.”  
“Lost it?” Kylo’s own voice is dangerously low. The other technician steps forward. “Please, Sir. We checked the archives, but we must have…” He draws a deep breath before going on. “We must have deleted it. There’s no record…”  
His next words are drowned out by the blistering sound of Kylo igniting his lightsaber. He wields the weapon wildly, slashing into the console. Bits of machinery and circuitry fly into the air as Kylo continues to pummel the console with abandon.  
You feel the panic rise up into your throat. You’ve never seen him lose control like this and you’re certain he’s going to somehow going to hurt himself, cut his hand off with the crossguard or something. “Kylo, stop!” you shout. You try to rush forward to stop him, but the officer holds you back. You struggle against him, but to no avail. Clawing at the arms that restrain you, you’re desperate to get away, to get back to Kylo.  
You lunge away from your captor and one particularly hard pull in the opposite direction sends you off balance, out of the officer’s arms and sprawling onto the floor.  
Suddenly, the room is silent, save for the crackling of Kylo’s saber. The officer stands, paralyzed, as Kylo points the weapon straight at his throat. Behind him, the ruined console is smoking slightly. His is going to kill this man. You know it. He’s going to slaughter him right in front of you and the technicians and you can’t tear your eyes away.   
“Kylo,” you whisper from your spot on the floor. “Please.” He looks down at you and holds your gaze as he deactivates the saber. You sigh in relief, but his anger is now turned toward you. Seizing you by the arm, he pulls you to your feet and drags you from the room and down the corridor without a word.   
He pulls you into a deserted alcove and whirls to face you. “What was THAT?!” he roars, voice modulator crackling with the force of his words. “I’m sorry! I just… I was scared. I was afraid you were going to somehow hurt yourself.” You pause. What are you saying? Kylo Ren can take care of himself. You sigh. “I know that sounds ridiculous.” Much more than being simply a weak excuse, you worry that it might have betrayed your confusing but increasingly apparent feelings toward him.  
“You have become protective of me,” Kylo muses. It’s hard to mistake the hint of mocking that colors his words. You stammer, stumbling over an explanation before surrendering to the truth. “I … yes. I have. I know I overstepped my bounds and I’m sorry.” You are determined not to cry. Not over this.  
“There are no bounds,” Kylo mutters. “Not between us.” Why does he say things like that? Especially in your current state of uncertainty. You try not to read too much into his words and instead focus on the fate of the wayward officer.  
“You were going to kill him, weren’t you?,” you ask. Kylo shrugs almost imperceptibly. “I still may. You’re not hurt?” His tone has taken a decidedly more concerned sound and you heart flutters in your chest.   
“No, I’m all right.” You shift your weight. Truth be told, your hip does hurt where you had fallen on it. Kylo sighs. “Perhaps, at this point in your training, you are not ready to interact with the crew just yet.” He is disappointed in you and the knowledge stings. “However, I still have things to attend to today and you will still accompany me.”   
Kylo leads you down multiple hallways and down several floors, finally stopping at one of the training rooms. It looks familiar and may be the same one where he and Captain Phasma seemingly quizzed you for hours about various kinds of weaponry while not allowing to touch a single thing. Or perhaps it was the one where he taught you about Inflict Pain. You shudder slightly at the memory.   
It’s important, he explains, to always be prepared for battle and to never let one’s guard down. “It can be frustrating, recovering, having nothing to do but train an apprentice. But I don’t allow myself to fall out of practice.” You feel a momentary twinge of guilt that you should be taking up so much of his time, but quickly shake it off. Kylo is meanwhile digging in a cabinet along the opposite wall and pulls out a spherical object that you recognize as a training remote. He activates the droid, who hovers in the air in front of him, waiting.   
No sooner has Kylo ignited his lightsaber than the droid fires a plasma bolt at him. He blocks it effortlessly with the saber’s beam. You sink to the floor and watch, entranced as the remote fires bolt after bolt at him and he blocks every one. One handed, two handed, at various heights and at blinding speeds. The fabric of his cloak twirls around as he spins, never missing his mark. Your breath catches in your throat as you continue to watch. The red of the saber beam reflects on his helmet as you clench your fists, nails digging into your palms.  
After what seems like several hours, but is probably closer to only one, he stops. The light saber is extinguished and the remote placed back into the cabinet. Removing his helmet, Kylo joins you on the floor, setting his lightsaber nearby. Up close, you notice his eyes are dilated and his sweaty hair is sticking to his temples. You bite your lip and look away. He says nothing and you decide to steer the conversation to a topic other than how terrifyingly beautiful he looks.   
“Can I ask you something?” you ask as you pull your knees up to your chest, resting your chin on them. Kylo nods. “Is it more difficult to fight a live opponent than it is the droid?” He considers your question, cocking his head to the side as he thinks. “I would imagine”, you continue heedlessly, “that the live opponent would be easier. Being able to read their thoughts, anticipate their next moves.”   
“That is not always the case”, he muses “Sometimes in the heat of battle, there are no thoughts. Only instincts and actions.” You ponder this, wondering if your reflexes will ever allow you to fight like that. True, your hand-to-hand skills had improved as well as your prowess with a blaster. Your eye drifts to the deactivated weapon lying on the floor between you. When he’s not either destroying something or fine tuning his skills, the lightsaber stays firmly attached to Kylo’s hip and this is the first time you’ve really gotten to see it up close.  
“Why the lightsaber?” you ask, knowing full well it’s a very personal question and you almost expect his anger to flare at you. Instead, he just sits, staring at you as if pondering your words. “I mean…” you stammer, unable to meet his probing gaze. “It really is associated with the Jedi, right?”  
Kylo glances down at the saber. “So was I once.” His voice is almost a whisper. “It is a symbol of my defeat of the Jedi, of my power over them. Their own weapon.” This is delving dangerously close to talk of his past, which you know is difficult for him.   
“It really is a lovely weapon,” you marvel. Of course, being the nut for Imperial history that you are, you studied various pictures of different sabers and their Sith masters, the delicate curve of Count Dooku’s or that double bladed wonder wielded by Darth Maul so many years ago.  
But Kylo’s is unlike any you’d ever seen or studied. Even deactivated and lying on the floor it emanates a sense of power, the crossguard vents, the red wire running up the length. Certainly, not as elegant and refined as some, but deadly nonetheless.   
Kylo’s voice breaks your reverie. “Would you like to touch it?”  
“What?!” you splutter. “No! I couldn’t.” Kylo grabs the saber from the floor and rises to his feet. “Stand up,” he orders. You hasten to obey, curiosity getting the better of you.  
“You are right handed.” You nod. He places the saber in your hand and you are surprised by how heavy it is. He wraps his hand around yours, securing your fingers around the hilt. “Hold it with both hands,” he reminds you as he comes to stand behind you and take your other hand. His body is pressed against yours and you’re mortified to realize that you’re shaking. This is the closest his ever been to you and instead of concentrating on this very important lesson, you’re resisting the urge to lean your head back onto his shoulder. “Stop it!” you tell yourself. You are the apprentice of Kylo Ren, commander of the Knights of Ren. You are strong with the Force and you will help defeat the Resistance. You are NOT a schoolgirl with a crush on her teacher.  
You grip the saber tighter and focus on Kylo’s words and not the feel of his fingers on yours. “Always be mindful of the crossguard,” he tells you as his thumb covers yours. “Ignite it like this,” he says and you press the button together and the saber crackles to life in your hands. You can’t help the mall cry of surprise that escapes your lips as the weapon positively vibrates in your hand. “Never forget,” Kylo whispers and you shudder at the feel of his breath on your ear, “The amount of power you wield.” Whether he’s talking about the lightsaber or the Force, you don’t know, but you close your close your eyes and let the words sink in. Through your eyelids, you can see the glow of the saber. And you can see the darkness as Kylo deactivates it.  
He untangles his fingers from yours and steps back. You watch as he puts the lightsaber back into the holster on his belt. He picks up his helmet from the floor and places it back over his head. “It has been a long day,” he says. “I think we are both in need of a break.” He places a hand at the small of you back and guides you from the room. “I will escort you back you your quarters.”


	10. Supreme Leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone really have any free will when Supreme Leader Snoke is pulling the strings?

You remember how Kylo Ren was intimidating when you first met him, even after removing the mask. But Supreme Leader Snoke is terrifying. Even as a holographic image, he makes you want to wet yourself as he stares down at you. “Come closer,” he rumbles, beckoning you with long fingers. “I’ve seen your face only in visions, but you are as lovely as your mother.” You take a step closer, peering up into the gnarled face.   
He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. “I can feel your powers. They are raw and unrefined, but the Force courses through you.”  
“Thank you, Supreme Leader,” you mumble. Truthfully, you feel like he could suck the Force, and indeed the very life from you. But you try to keep your fear at bay, certain that he can easily read your thoughts and emotions. You remain humbly respectful.  
“We’ve been waiting for you for a long time. Both myself, and though he doesn’t yet know it, Kylo Ren. You won’t let us down.”  
“No, sir,” you shake your head. “I won’t.”   
You remember how Kylo was initially apprehensive to let you meet with Snoke at all, but he was not in any kind of place to disobey orders. And as much as he frightens you, you remind yourself that the supreme leader is you master, even above Kylo Ren. The thought is unsettling as your loyalties are firmly planted in one person and one person only.  
Snoke smirks down enigmatically at you. “And you are loyal,” You frantically try to close your mind to his, even though you know that it would be a fruitless attempt. Snoke continues, “Your devotion to him is remarkable. I find it even reassuring. The bond between you grows stronger every day. And hand-in-hand, you will reach your destiny.”  
Even in the darkness of the chamber, he can probably see you blush, though he doesn’t need to. Of course, he’s inside your head. Why wouldn’t he be? And of course, you can’t do a thing to stop him. You thank him again. At least he doesn’t think you’ve turned against him.  
Somehow, in your thoughts, he must see that you are still faithful to him. He is the Supreme Leader of the First Order and, right now, your entire life is lived according to his orders. He may scare you, but your trust in him is absolute. It has to be.  
“Good girl,” a smile twists his mangled face and somehow makes his seem even more terrifying. “You may go now. We will see each other again.”  
You bow briefly to his giant figure and hastily leave the chamber. Outside the door, your true master, Kylo Ren, waits for you.   
“What was said?” he asks without looking you. You stare up at him, face hidden behind his mask. “You know what was said.” You don’t speak another work until he has safely escorted you back to your quarters. At which point, you surrender to the tears that had been threatening to overflow.   
For the first time since your training began, you consider running away. What good are you in your current condition anyway? How can you help defeat the Resistance if you’ve foolishly developed feelings that go beyond that of an apprentice for her master? But even if you ran, they would find you. If the Jedi didn’t find you first. You really had no choice but to stay. Even if you felt like a failure, you knew too many people would be let down even endangered if you left.  
Kylo knew that you were moodier than usual, but he didn’t press the issue. For several days after your encounter with Supreme Leader Snoke, he handled you with kid gloves, being gentler and a little less demanding than usual.   
And your training continued. Nothing more was said about Supreme Leader Snoke or your conversation. Kylo gave no indication that he knew what was said between you and didn’t question you further.   
Your powers never wavered. He still had you practice your hand-to-hand skills with random Stormtroopers, still required you to read the thoughts of people you passed in the corridors. The same reading, the same meditation, the same weapons training. You begin to allow yourself to believe that nothing had changed.


	11. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this what everything has been leading up to? Kylo and his apprentice are about to throw themselves headlong into someting more terrifying that the most vicious battle.

Kylo Ren kneels before the looming holographic image of his master. “Her training is progressing well. She learns at an incredible rate and speaks very highly of you. Despite your claim to the contrary, her devotion to you is beyond that of a normal student for her teacher,” rumbles the deep voice of Supreme Leader Snoke.  
Kylo closes his eyes and huffs out a breath through flared nostrils. He does not wish to displease the supreme leader nor argue with him, but this discussion is getting tiresome. He’d told him once before that he possessed no “feelings” for his apprentice other than acknowledgement of her powers and a commitment to her training.  
True, they had grown close and had several conversations about subjects unrelated to the Force or to her training. They had spoken about their parents and childhoods, he’d even grown to trust her enough to show her his grandfather’s old helmet, knowing how much she would truly appreciate it. But Kylo maintained that emotions, especially love, were utterly pointless, only serving to leave one vulnerable and open to attack. He would train her, pour all his powers into her and, when the time came, he would fight by her side, but love was something he was simply unable to feel. He found it frustrating and disappointing that he could not make the supreme leader understand that.   
“Her devotion is flattering, but misplaced. Whatever emotions she possesses, I cannot return them.” Snoke leans back in his seat and shakes his head. “Kylo,” his deep voice is soothing. “She was never meant to be just your apprentice, but your equal.” Kylo narrows his eyes. Equal or not, he feels no affection toward the girl. He can’t.  
A grim smile twists Snoke’s already gnarled face. “You have already shared everything with her. You are already in possession of her mind and her spirit. What’s one more thing? Her heart.”   
Kylo clenches his fists beneath his robes. He does not like feeling like he’s being manipulated. It reminds him of what his father had told him. His father… He shakes the thought away and gazes up at the face of his master. He trusts him completely, but it’s impossible to hide the bitterness in his voice. “You’re telling me that I have to fall in love with her?”  
Kylo Ren has always been an obedient pupil, pliable and easy for Snoke to mold. This resistance, while not entirely unexpected, is certainly an inconvenience and Snoke can feel his patience waning. “No,” he reminds the kneeling man before him. “I told you that you had to kill your father. I’m telling you now, you’re already there.”  
Somehow, Snoke must make him understand. “Don’t be naïve, Kylo,” he snaps. “This isn’t the stupid, simpering love of your parents or your Jedi uncle. This is a love borne of selfishness and obsession. Where you would destroy her yourself before anyone else could, where you would gouge someone’s eyes out for looking at her the wrong way. You would murder entire races if it would please her.”   
Kylo can feel his breath hitch in his chest with the knowledge that the supreme leader’s words are true. He can see her face, eyes filling with tears at whatever stupid emotion has her overwhelmed, chin set in determination as she practices her latest lesson in the Force. He can see himself reaching for her hand as they drink Sapir Tea together, the feel of her hair as it slips through his fingers. He whirls away from the satisfied smile that has stretched across Snoke’s ruined face. “Go to her,” the voice behind him is comforting, fatherly. And Kylo storms from the chamber, runs to the one thing he’d never realized was the only thing. The only thing keeping him grounded. Not the first Order, not Supreme Leader Snoke, not even the Knights of Ren. It was her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kylo and his apprentice both realize their true feeling for one another, there is only one direction in which they can move forward.

Your training sessions with Kylo Ren are strenuous, taxing on both your mind and your body. As if the usual Force training, combat, weapons and Imperial history weren’t enough, you’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to sort out your feelings toward your master. The fierce devotion and loyalty are still there, but was something else? Something that Supreme Leader Snoke sensed and hinted at when you recently met with him? Hand in hand, he’d said. That’s how you and Kylo would defeat the Resistance. But it didn’t bear thinking about, at least not today.   
Though they were few and far between, you enjoyed the days you had to yourself, spending long quiet hours reading or meeting with your mother and chatting, telling her how your training is going. Free from the nightmares that once plagued you, you could sleep late or even nap in the afternoons if you wanted. It was a welcome respite from your intense training and, more recently, your thoroughly confusing emotions.  
You shift in your chair, tucking your legs under you and continue reading. You are seriously considering putting down the datapad and taking a nap when the sound of frantic knocking on your door shakes you from your reverie.   
Upon opening your door, you are greeted by the sight of a Stormtrooper standing in the hallway. “I’m so sorry to disturb you, Miss,” he apologizes, giving a slight bow. “I have been ordered by Kylo Ren to bring you to his quarters immediately.” His voice shakes and there is a definite sense of urgency in his tone. You can’t help wondering if he had been threatened.  
“Is everything all right?” you ask. You don’t really expect an answer, but this is definitely unusual. Your training sessions had always been regimented, strictly scheduled down to the second. Even Kylo’s occasional random deviation from the norm always seemed calculated and never spontaneous. To be summoned like this, on your free day… something must be wrong.  
“I do not know, Miss,” the trooper explains. “I was only ordered to retrieve you and bring you to him. Quickly”   
“All right,” you concede, “Just let me put my shoes on.” You turn back into your quarters to find your shoes when the trooper puts out a hand to stop you. “I’m sorry, Miss. I don’t think there’s time. He seemed very… insistent that I bring you to him.”  
You decide that Kylo had probably indeed threatened this trooper’s life, if not already cause some sort of bodily harm to him. You wonder what could possibly be so important to warrant such a response from him. You nod and whisper, “No shoes then.” and follow him down the hallway in your bare feet.   
He leaves you at the door to Kylo’s quarters and departs. This could be any other day, you muse. The same trooper escort, the same door in the same hallway. But something is very different today. You can sense it and you notice how your hand trembles as you punch in the access code.  
You enter to find him pacing and obviously irate. His mask is off, carelessly tossed onto a nearby table. He told you at your first meeting to call him by his first name, but it still feels strange to say it aloud. “Kylo?” you ask. “Is everything all right?”  
He turns to look at you. Something is in his eyes you’ve not seen there before. Not the darkness or the anger or the hints of fear that he would sometimes let show. Something unrecognizable. Something frightening. He doesn’t respond, but crosses the floor in three strides, seizing your face in his hands and crashing his lips onto yours.  
Before you can fully realize what just happened, he pulls away and continues his pacing. “I have done what I swore never to do,” he hisses. “My entire life, I’ve convinced myself that love is a pointless emotion only for the weak. To leave yourself that vulnerable to another person, it’s ridiculous!” You jump as he knocks his mask off the table, sending it flying into a nearby wall.  
He closes his eyes, as if trying to regain control. When he speaks again, his words are slow and measured. “Supreme Leader. He says none of that is real. That this is real love.”  
Suddenly, he is in front of you again, grabbing your wrist and pulling you toward him. “Tell me to destroy it,” He whispers, his face inches from your own. “Snoke, the First Order, all of it! Is that what you want?” his eyes bore into yours.  
“No!” you shake your head. “No, I… I don’t want any of that. I just want… just you.” Even though he’d just kissed and possibly declared his love, you realized that he could probably still kill you if he wanted to. And you’re not entirely sure he doesn’t want to. Is he going to kiss you again or Force Choke you? Fully expecting either one, you wait.  
Still gripping your wrist, he gently places your hand on his chest. You slowly unfurl your fingers and, beneath the rough fabric of his tabard, you can feel the pounding of his heart. The silence stretches for several more moments before he speaks again. “I don’t know how one conducts himself in a situation like this.” He shakes his head, furrowing his brows. “I don’t either,” you admit apologetically. “This is pretty unique.” You never could have imagined this particular turn of events.   
He focuses on his fingers still wrapped around your wrist and holding your hand in place. “Are you all right? I didn’t hurt you?”  
“No! No,” you stammer, completely taken aback, but still somehow touched by his concern. “Surprised, but no, not hurt.”  
He looks down at the floor, taking in the sight of your bare feet. “You have no shoes.” It’s more of a statement, an observation than a question. Funny what one notices at a time like this. “I was in a hurry to get here, I didn’t bother to put shoes on.” Your explanation sounds stupid in your ears and you wince, suddenly very self-conscious about your feet and what they must look like to him. Kylo frowns and cocks his head to the side. “You have… very nice feet.” The last of the tension melts away as you choke on a sudden giggle. You realize that this very awkward attempt at romance is probably the first time he’s ever complimented anyone, let alone a woman.  
“Thank you,” you whisper, ducking your head into his chest. Even as the tension leaves, anxiety creeps in to take its place. How will this affect your training, your future?   
“Now what?” you ask, looking up at Kylo. He stares back down at you, his student, his equal, his… love? “You worry too much,” he tells you. “It is unnecessary. Especially now.”   
“Easier said than done,” you mutter. “Your future is certain,” he reminds you. “I told you that when we first met. You will realize the full potential of your powers,” he continues. “And together, we will destroy the Resistance and whatever still remains of the Jedi. That has not changed.” You nod. If you have faith in anything in this galaxy, it is him.  
Still holding your wrist, he leads you to a nearby couch. “Sit with me?” he asks. You settle next to him, still testing your limits. Is it appropriate to cuddle? To wrap your arms around him? Lay your head in his lap? You wait, doing nothing. “General Hux will not be pleased when he finds out,” Kylo muses, releasing your wrist and twining his long fingers with yours.  
“About this?” you ask. “Us?” He stares at you with that smirk that you’ve grown to love so well. “He still wants you for himself,” he answers, watching you wrinkle your nose in disgust. “That’s not going to happen.”   
Kylo shrugs. “You both come from families rich in Imperial history. He’s convinced it would be a good match.” He pauses. “Of course, he also wants access to your powers.”  
“No!” you blurt out and Kylo’s smirk widens. “That will never happen,” he promises, squeezing your hand. And you believe him. “I do think,” he continues, “That it would be wise to not reveal this… development between us to anyone.” You nod. “And our training will continue as before,” his voice is stern as he looks down at you. “That will not change. Don’t expect me to be lenient toward you. “   
You try to smile and instead are seized by a sudden yawn. “I’m so sorry!” you gasp. Kylo stands and pulls you to your feet. “You should rest. I’ll send for your escort.” You wonder if it will be the same guard who escorted you here earlier. Could he ever imagine how things had changed since then?   
You allow him to pull you toward the keypad by the door and listen only vaguely as he calls for another trooper to take you back to your quarters. The events of the last several minutes have caught up with you and fatigue threatens to drag you under. “Sleep,” he tells you as he gently places a kiss on your forehead. His voice has become low and soothing again and you resist the urge to melt into his arms. “I will be here when you wake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's very hard to write anything while thrashing around on a bed. But this chapter game a bad case of the kicky/screamies. Enormous thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story so far.


	13. A New Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will happen after Kylo and his apprentice confess and act upon their feelings for each other?

The next morning, you awaken with an unfamiliar flutter in your stomach. Is it fear? No. It’s more like anxiety, it’s… Kylo! The memories of the previous day come back in a rush and you bury your face into your pillow. Did all of that really happen? The kiss? The declaration of love? You remember it all and your lips still burn from his touch. You remember asking him “What now?’ and he assured you that nothing would change between you, that your training would continue as before. But the thought of facing him now is almost unthinkable. What if he tells you it was all a horrible mistake?  
As much as you’d love to stay in bed and wallow in your complicated and mildly frightening feelings, you know that your trusted Stormtrooper will soon be at your door and sending him back to Kylo empty handed would probably cost him his life. If only Kylo wasn’t so keen on killing everyone.  
You throw on some clothes and only pick at your breakfast. You know you’ll regret it later, but your stomach is too nervous to allow for too much food and, by the time your escort arrives to collect you, you’ve only managed to choke down a few bites.  
Kylo greets you stiffly as you walk into his quarters. He stands, with his mask off, looking down at you. “Good morning, Miss Y/N.”  
“Good morning,” you whisper in reply. You’re not sure what you expected of him this morning, but it certainly wasn’t this much formality.   
“I trust you slept well?” You stare back at him, wondering if either of you will acknowledge the events of the previous day or it’s to be forgotten and never spoken of. Even though you’d love nothing more than to have his hands on you again, if he can pretend nothing happened, so can you. “I did,” you answer. “I slept fine. Thank you.”  
“Excellent,” he nods and looks you up and down. “You look……” he pauses and huffs out a breath. “Well rested.”   
Whatever either of you had planned to say never happens because, in that second, you’ve lunged at each other, lips meeting desperately. He wraps his arms around your waist and very nearly lifts you off the ground as you twine your fingers into his hair.   
You stumble as he sets you down abruptly. “This is…” he pants. “Not the proper way to begin our session today. I apologize.” You stare up at him, the strange combination of arousal and disappointment clouding your head. “It’s all right,” you answer, catching your own breath. “I don’t mind. Really.”  
Reaching out, he grabs your waist and pulls you back into him, pressing your body against his. His eyes bore down into yours. “We still have work to do,” he growls. “We cannot afford to spend every minute with my hand up your skirt,” He brushes and strand of hair back from your face and runs his fingers down your neck. “My lips at your throat.” You whimper at his touch. “There will be training. And there will be…” He trails his hand down your chest. “Rewards.”   
He kisses you again before stepping away. “Now is the time for training. According to Mother Talzin, a Shaman could perceive two worlds at once. Discuss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter because real life is requiring a lot of attention today. As always, large amounts of love to everyone who is reading/enjoying this. Rest assured, I love you all right back.


	14. Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as their relationship has reached a new level, Kylo must leave his apprentice and go on a mission.

One thing remains the same throughout all the recent changes, Kylo is just as protective as always, if not more so. Only before and after you training sessions and on your free days are you allowed to be alone. He continues to insist that someone to walk you to and from his quarters. Despite the fact that he’s given you the access code to his quarters, he still finds the added security necessary.  
Walking into his quarters, you find him pacing the floor, various articles of clothing, weapons and a handful of datapads scattered on the chairs and tabletop. You stop in your tracks and survey the chaos around you. Had he had another of those damn destructive spells and wreaked havoc on his quarters? What had gone wrong now that pushed him over the edge this time?  
“Kylo?” you ask tentatively as you watch him pause mid-pace and mutter to himself. “Is everything all right?” The last time you’d walked in on him a similar agitated state, he had surprised you by suddenly kissing you. Though your relationship had no doubt changed since that encounter, he could still be unpredictable.  
“Sit down,’ his voice is low, tinged with something you can’t quite out your finger on. Fear? No, more like anxiety. You sit on the edge on a chair, careful not to disturb the clothing piled on it and wait. Kylo kneels in front of you and fixes you with a stare.  
“I am suspending our training.” His face is expressionless, even that close to yours. Instinctively, you lean away from him, blurting out, “Why?!” You were so afraid that something like this would happen. You’d been so careful, both of you, to keep your training and your personal relationship separate. He couldn’t do this, whatever the temptation. Not to you, not to the First Order. How could he? You hand twitches and you resist the urge to slap his impassive face.  
Not for nothing is he your master first and lover second. Even without entering your thoughts, he can sense your distress and takes your hands in his. His large hands are warm and reassuring. Already, you can feel your fear recede and your breathing begin to even out.  
“I’ve been called on a mission,” he tells you simply. “My first since the battle on Starkiller.” You perk up immediately at his words, but before you have so much as drawn a breath, he has pressed a long finger to your lips. “Before you even ask. No, you may not accompany me.”  
You scowl. What has all that training been for then, if not to be by his side and fight with him? Kylo’s gaze softens as he moves his hand to cup your cheek. “It will be a simple mission, just a small uprising,” he says. “But there is still a real danger and you are too important to risk.” He sounds sincere, but you are still feeling indignant and try to turn your face away from him. His grip on your face remains firm and he orders you, “Look at me.”  
Slowly raising your eyes to his, all your resentment melts away in the burning intensity of his gaze. His voice is low, with an undeniable air of authority to it. “There will come a time,” he says. “When we will go into battle together, stand side-by-side and destroy everything in our path. I promise you. But that time is not now.”  
“I understand,” you whisper. And you really do. You’re proud of how far your training has progressed and all the new skills you’ve acquired. But your destiny is to help bring about the fall of the Resistance and the Jedi. Not to be killed in some skirmish with a bunch of sympathizers.  
Kylo leans forward and presses his lips to yours. His kiss is warm and reassuring. “I’m going to miss you,” you blurt out the confession as he pulls away and stands up. That familiar and infuriating smirk tugs at his full lips as he looks down at you. “I will miss you too, but it won’t be long. A few days, a week at most.”  
A week? The idea seems unbearable. You cherish your days off and the freedom they allow, but by the end of the day, you find yourself yearning to be back in his presence. “What am I going to do with myself for that long?” you ask no one in particular.  
Kylo hears your muttered question and his smirk blossoms into a full smile. “Come here.” Grasping your hands again, he pulls you to your feet, before wrapping his arms around you and pressing you against him.  
“You will be fine,” he promises. “You can spend the time with your mother. Feel free to use anything in here as a study guide. And Captain Phasma will be staying on base. Perhaps you can ask her for more combat training sessions.”  
Resting your head on his broad chest, you breathe in his scent slowly, feeling him, memorizing him before looking back up into his eyes. “Destroy them all,” your voice is hard, cold and utterly merciless. “Quickly, so you can come back to me.” Your final word ends in a gasp and Kylo captures your lips again  
This kiss is different from his first, hungrier, more desperate and you respond with fervor. Reaching up, you tangle your fingers into his hair. His hands are splayed across your back, pulling you closer. You want to melt into him, let him consume you. Parting his lips with your tongue, you eagerly explore his mouth.  
His hands have begun a torturous journey down your back. They pause at the swell of your buttocks. And you feel Klyo’s fingers flex briefly before he withdraws them and gently pushes you away.  
“We can’t!” he pants. “Not now. Not like this” You briefly squeeze your eyes shut, willing your temper to stay in check. Kylo is obsessed with not only keeping your relationship discreet but also keeping things from going too far. This has proven both disappointing and frustrating for you as the limit seems to change from day to day. Sometimes, a hand snaking its way up your shirt, other days a simple kiss is enough for him to declare it “too much”. So much for Sith Lords embracing their passions.  
“There will be time,” he assures you. “When I return.” You trust him. And you believe him.


	15. Alone Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's apprentice both take advantage of and struggles with her time apart from him.

It’s nice to know that the access code to your old quarters hasn’t changed since you’ve moved out. “Mother!” you shriek as you walk through the door. It’s nice you know that she hasn’t changed either. Same grey eyes and auburn hair with flecks of grey. Same lightly lined face and arched brows.  
She rises from the table when she sees you, setting aside the datapad she’d been holding. “Y/N?” her voice is incredulous as she crosses the room to hug you. “To what do I owe this very unexpected surprise?” You and your mother had both become accustomed to your schedule that allowed for very little free time. She was always notified ahead of time that you would have a free day and her schedule was always adjusted accordingly. Not once had you just shown up like today.  
You sit on the nearby settee and tuck your feet under you. “Kylo has gone on a mission and I’m stuck here. And who better to spend my time off with?” You smile at her as she sits next to you.  
“Well, aren’t I lucky?’ she jokes. “Why didn’t he bring you along?” You wrinkle your nose at her question. It’s still a bit of a touchy subject with you. “Apparently, I’m not ready yet.” You shrug. “Whatever, he knows best.”   
Your pet pittin, Qica who must have hidden at the commotion of your arrival, ventures out from the hallway, cautiously sniffing the air. “Qici!” you sink down to the floor and hold out your arms to her. She approaches you slowly and sniffs you fingers before finally settling in your lap.  
“I think she’s missed you,” your mother muses as you scratch your pet’s ears. “I miss her too,” you answer. “It gets lonely sleeping in the bed by myself.” You bend down, allowing your hair to fall over your face and pretending to concentrate on scratching Qica. Really, you’re attempting the hide that blush that has colored your cheeks at the sudden thought of you and Kylo someday sharing a bed.  
Your mother smiles knowingly from above you. She can read your thoughts almost as well as Kylo can. And it has little to do with own Force sensitivity and training as an Inquisitor. She knows simply from living with you and dealing with your up and down emotions for so long. “Well, I’m glad you’re here,” she answers briskly. “I was about to set aside my reading and go for a walk around the base. Would you like to join me?”   
You nod as you scratch Qica’s belly. A walk with your mother sounds fantastic. “If you want,” she continues, “You can stay all day. If you stay the night, Miss Pittin-pants may even grace you with her presence in bed.”  
As tempting as the offer sounds, you agree to stay until dinner. If Kylo returns, you want him to be able to find you if he needs to. Somewhere in the back of your mind is the thought that you’d chosen Kylo Ren over both your mother and your pittin. You push it away and leave the quarters, arm in arm with you mother.  
The two of you enjoy the remainder of the day together. You wander the grounds of the base, taking care not to point out your window when you pass by the building that houses your quarters. You catch your mother up on everything that’s happened since your last visit together, but not everything that’s happened.  
The two of you laugh hysterically as you describe your Stormtrooper escorts and wonder if it is indeed the same trooper every day. You imagine the poor trooper whose sole duty is to escort you to and from Kylo Ren’s quarters every day.   
Dinner turns out to be a simple but delicious meal of breadroot patty and gruffle. In between all the laughter and swatting Qica away from your legs, you still manage to eat until you can barely move.  
After dinner, you sit on the floor in front of your mother as she sits on the settee and brushes your hair. As a child, it was your father that put you to bed most nights with his stories. But when your mother was home, bedtime was all hers. There may not have always been a story, but there was always hair brushing.  
After your father died, when you were sick or particularly sad, you would always ask your mother to have your hair brushed. It’s just as much a comfort now as it was then.  
“Love you, Mommy” you whisper as you hug her on your way out the door. Padding your way back to your quarters, you wonder if perhaps you were supposed to call for your escort to walk you to and from your mother’s quarters. The solitude is nice, but the anonymity is truly welcome. Your strictly regimented schedule and Kylo’s protective and jealous nature melt away as you stare up at the stars. Not one person in the whole galaxy knows where you are at this moment. You smile at the thought. You’re sure that, by tomorrow, you’ll be back to missing Kylo desperately, clinging to your mother or Captain Phasma or whomever is handy in his absence. But tonight, you are alone. 

The reading on your own is easy enough. You’ve been an avid reader since you were a child after all. And Captain Phasma is all too willing to help with any combat or weapons training, even finding a seemingly endless stream of her Stormtroopers for you to practice on.   
Your ability to use the Force, however, has wavered in Kylo’s absence. And you realize just how strong the bond between you is and how your powers are still dependent on him.  
You had hope that the bond between you would allow you to be able to read his mind while he was away, to know his every thought and action. You know without a shadow of a doubt that he was still alive, but that’s all. And it’s frustrating. Naturally, you want your love back, his touch, his kiss. But you miss your master too, the raw power he possesses and how it drives your own, how he pushes you to keep learning.   
One night, you fall asleep in his quarters, while poring over some old Imperial writings. You awake to find yourself slumped over in your chair, the glowing datapad tumbled to the floor.  
You consider going into the bedchamber and spending the remainder of the night in his bed. And even go so far as to standing in the chamber, staring down at the neatly made bed and breathing in Kylo’s scent. You want to roll in the bedclothes and fall asleep, gripping one of his pillows.  
Eventually, you stumble back to your quarters, falling, exhausted, into your own bed. The next morning, you sleep late and enjoy and leisurely walk around the base grounds before diving back into studying.   
You miss the structured schedule of your regular days, the escorts, the regimented training. But you find that, even on your own. You don’t fall behind. The thought of Kylo being pleased with you upon his return, keeps you going.


	16. Return to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back from his mission, Kylo has only one thing and one person on his mind.

Captain Phasma stretches her long legs out in front of her and points her toes. Her customary reflective armor and helmet had been traded for a simpler tunic and hose. The two of you had spent the last few hours sparring and are now comfortably sprawled on the training room floor.  
“Thanks again for the extra sessions,” you tell her. Phasma smiles. “I don’t mind keeping an eye on you while Commander Ren is gone.” Her tone is only slightly teasing.   
It’s been several days since Kylo left on his mission and you’d been at a loss as to what to do with yourself. Lunches with your mother, a few combat sessions with Phasma, but the days seemed to be mostly filled with wandering aimlessly, waiting for him to return. You’re surprised at how much, how fiercely you do miss him. More than once, you’d stolen into his quarters. Even though he’d granted you permission to use anything in there as a study guide, you doubted the permission would extend to you staring at his bed and stroking your fingers over the pillows.   
Phasma tucks her legs back under her and fixes you with a stare. “This whole thing can’t have been easy for you.” You are touched by her concern. “Commander Ren is treating you well?” You nod. “Yes, of course! He’s an incredible teacher and I’ve learned so much already, but I know I still have a long way to go.”  
“Excellent,” Phasma replies. “We may not all have the same personal interest in you that he does, but you are very important to the entire First Order.”   
“Um… personal?” You try to look casual, but are inwardly panicking. Surely, she couldn’t know how things had changed between the two of you. You’d been very careful not to let your relationship interfere with your training and certainly not to let it become public knowledge.  
“Are you not lovers?” Phasma is genuinely curious and absolutely dead pan serious. “No!” you splutter. “I mean, not really. Not yet…” You sigh. “Sort of?” So much for secrecy.   
Phasma nods knowingly. “It’s already common knowledge.” She shrugs. “At least among the higher ranks. If Kylo Ren were ever to let down his guard and allow himself to fall in love, it had to be someone whose powers rival that of his own.” You can’t help but smile at her compliment. “Welcome to the First Order,” Phasma continues. “We are formidable fighters and terrible gossips.”   
Returning to your quarters, tired and sweaty, you vow to spend the rest of the afternoon resting. Perhaps you’ll wander over to your mother’s later and have dinner with her. Even though you miss him terribly, you do enjoy the fact that Kylo’s absence has allowed you to spend extra time with your mother. Too tired to bathe, you change out of your sparring clothes and throw on a simple shift, not even bothering to put shoes on.  
You turn at the sound of the door opening behind you and a tall shadow looms in the doorway. Kylo steps inside, removing his helmet and allowing it to drop onto the floor as the door hisses closed behind him.  
Without a word, you go to him and wrap your arms around him, resting your head on his chest. He smells like dirt and blood and you are grateful for the lives he’d taken that had brought him back to you. You step back and look into his face. “You look exhausted,” you comment as you reach up to brush back a lock of hair that has fallen across his forehead. “Are you hungry? No you need to sleep?”  
He shakes his head. “I only wanted to see you.” You lead him to the nearby bed and at least make him sit down and remove his boots while he tells you briefly about his mission. It was only a small settlement, the slightest hint of an uprising, really and everyone was easily eliminated. Even the women and children. “None of them were innocent,” you remind him as you sit behind him on the bed. But he knows. Their faith and their fight had all been in vain. He turns to look back at you. “I’ve missed you,” he mutters. You smile at him, failing to notice the darkness that has clouded his eyes. “I missed you too.”  
Eyes not leaving you, he crawls up the length of the bed until his body is hovering over yours. “I missed you,” he repeats. You can feel the heat radiating off him in waves. “I lay awake at night, thinking about you… your hair, your mouth.” You crane your neck up from the pillow, lips meeting his and wrapping your arms around his neck. Parting your lips with his tongue, grazing your face with his fingers, he angles your chin up, allowing him even greater access to your mouth. You’re all too happy to oblige.  
Fingers leaving your face, he trails his hand down the length of your body, past your ribs and waist, to your leg. Tucking long fingers behind your knee, he hitches your leg up over his hip. The position makes you feel even more vulnerable and exposed, but your body is aching for his touch and you press your hips into him. As you do, you notice a telltale hardness against your thigh. You wait for him to withdraw and break contact. But he doesn’t and continues trailing kisses down your neck and dipping his tongue into the crease of your collarbone. Your head is spinning and, as much as you’d love for him to continue, you know he never allows things to go too far.   
“Kylo?” you ask, moving away from him and sitting up. “Do we need to stop? I mean, I know you’re… I mean, I can feel… you.” In the past, he’s always been very careful not to let passion overtake him and would draw back when things became too heated.   
He sits back on his heels and frowns, confusion and frustration apparent on his face. “Can you?” he asks as he seizes your hand and places it on his swollen cock. You feel your eyes widen and your mouth drops open. This is certainly the boldest he’s ever been and you’re not quite sure how to respond. “Do you want to stop?” he asks. You are dizzy with desire and the feel of him beneath your hand. You don’t ever want to stop. You want him, need him all over you, inside you, everywhere. You can only shake your head frantically and choke out a “No… no!” before he is on top of you again, lips attacking yours. Once more, you feel his hardness against your leg, but instead of pulling away, you press your thigh into him and revel in the moan that falls from his lips.  
He fumbles only briefly with the tie on your dress before he has it open, leather clad fingers run up the length of your torso and you gasp as he reaches your breast, running his thumb over the hardened nipple. All too soon, he withdraws his hand. You stare up at him as he growls in frustration and rips the glove off with his teeth, desperate for the skin-on-skin contact. His fingers are warm, but calloused and you arch your back into his touch. His mouth, meanwhile, has discovered your other breast, attaching his full lips to it and lavishing it with warm, wet kisses. You squirm as his tongue flicks at the nipple and can’t help the whimper that escapes you. He pauses briefly to glance up at you, eyes locking onto yours and you feel him smirk against you.   
Cold air touches your wet skin and you shiver in spite of yourself as he abandons your breasts, leaving a trail of kisses down your stomach. Reaching the waistband of your undergarments, he pauses again, fingers hesitating at the edge of the fabric, and looks up at you. “Go ahead,” you whisper. He hooks his fingers under the waistband and gently pulls them over your hips and down your legs. Feeling very exposed and vulnerable, you squeeze your eyes shut, and raise your knees up in an unconscious effort to cover yourself. “Don’t,” Kylo’s voice comes from somewhere near your feet. “You’re… perfect.”  
You feel his hands on your knees and open your eyes. His cheeks are flushed as he stares down at you. Slowly, he spreads your knees and runs his hands up your thighs. “Perfect,” he mutters again. You shudder as one thumb strokes your slit, gently parting the lips. He presses his palm flat against you, flingers splayed on your mound. The throbbing between your legs reaches an almost unbearable level and you lift your hips off the bed, grinding into his touch. “You really want this, don’t you?” Kylo whispers, his finger tracing slow circles around your clit. Unable to coherently answer, all you can do is gasp and bite your lip.   
Fingers thoroughly coated with your own juices, he gently pushes one into your tight heat. The muscles resist only briefly before giving way to him. You moan his name, like a prayer, like a curse as he slowly withdraws, only to thrust back in. Pushing a little deeper with each stroke and urging you a little closer to your threshold, Kylo seems content to allow you to fuck yourself on his fingers all afternoon. And you’re certainly not opposed to the idea. It’s only after you’ve become a shaking, panting wreck beneath him, that he stops. Whimpering as he withdraws his hand, you feel empty without him.   
He has retreated to the end of the bed and stands, towering over you. Discarding your dress, you crawl toward the foot of the bed and watch as he begins to undress. He removes his belt and lets it fall unceremoniously to the floor, then proceeds removing layer after layer, cowl and hood followed by outer robe, midcoat and tunic. His actions are slow and deliberate. Whether he is taking his time to make sure you are comfortable, or drawing things out to tease you, you have no idea. But the sight of him is certainly worth the wait. You are acutely aware of how your fingers are twisting into the bedding below you and the ache between your legs as you kneel on the bed and watch him reveal one glorious body part at a time.  
He’s allowed you to peer into the corners of his mind, examining his thoughts and fears, turning them over and over. You’ve felt the anger and hate rise up in him as he told you about his parents, his uncle. But never has he been more vulnerable and more terrifying than now.   
His chest is heaving as he takes deep, steadying breaths. His skin is pale, almost luminescent in the dimness of your quarters. You’ve already memorized every aspect of his face, tracing his jagged scar with trembling fingertips, mapping the many moles and beauty marks with kisses. But his naked body is something you are looking forward to exploring, taking apart piece by piece and putting back together.  
The star chart of moles continues from his face onto his neck and chest, scattered among the many scars from battles. It’s almost unbelievable to think that underneath the mask and helmet and all those layers of fabric, there is a whole other world. Your eyes continue their journey, taking in the defined muscles of his torso. One particularly large scar stands out just below his ribs, the thick, uneven flesh standing in stark contrast to the smooth planes of his skin. His narrow waist tapers down to his jutting hipbones.   
Free from the confining fabric of his trousers, his cock stands erect, red and throbbing. Like everything else on Kylo, it is long and thick and slightly tapered.   
Your breath hitches at the wave of raw lust that crashes over you. You want every part of him, under your fingertips, on your lips, in your cunt. You had no idea your reunion would turn into this, but now you can’t conceive it being any other way. Your innocence and inexperience dissolve in the heat of his stare. The longer you stare, the more you feel like a wanton whore.   
“Can I… touch you?” you ask. Kylo swallows and nods, Adam’s apple bobbing. Tentatively, you reach out a hand to him, fingertips brushing the soft skin. You hear Kylo draw a breath, sharply hissing through his teeth as you run your fingers up his length. He feels heavy in your hand and you marvel at the . Wrapping your fingers around his shaft, you slide your hand to this base and feel the muscles of his abdomen clench against you. A drop of moisture gleams at the tip and you swipe your thumb across it. “Is this all right?” you ask. You’d never seen a man naked before, let alone touched a male organ. And the last thing you want to do is hurt him.   
“Lie back,” Kylo growls. Withdrawing your hand, you hasten to follow his command, scrambling back up the bed. Settling himself between your spread legs, he props himself up on his arms. “You’re shivering,” Kylo observes as he runs his hand up your arm. “Ummm… cold?” You lamely suggest. He grabs the rumpled blanket near the foot of your bed and throws it over your naked bodies. “Not scared?” he asks, a hint of a smirk teasing his full lips. You sigh. “A little,” you admit. The smirk widens. “Good.”   
You can feel him probing your entrance, hesitating. You nod mutely, granting him permission. You draw in a deep breath as he pushes into you. It’s more painful than you had expected and you wince at the stretch and burn and you gasp audibly, squeezing your eyes shut against it. Of course you’ve touched yourself before. Long nights when the nightmares kept you awake, running fingers up and down your folds or even plunging them inside yourself, but this was much more than you were used to. Kylo freezes at your reaction. “You’re hurt.” The alarm is apparent in his voice. You shake your head and reassure him. “I’m all right. I just need a second.” You breathe as your body adjusts itself to the new sensation. Kylo reaches down and cups your cheek. You lean into his touch. “I’m fine,” you tell him. “You can move now. Really.” He dips his head down place a kiss on your lips before sinking the rest of the way into you.   
You adjust your hips underneath him, finding the most comfortable position. As you do, you notice his face. His eyes are shut tight and his jaw clenched. He is noticeably shaking and breathing heavily through flared nostrils. You are hit with the sudden realization that this is not the face of a man who has achieved his goal of bedding his apprentice, nor is it a man who is reveling in the sensations, taking his time to eke out every drop of pleasure.  
You run a finger down his face. “Kylo, have you…?” Your voice trails off as he stares back at you with wide eyes. “You’ve not been with a woman before, have you?” You know the answer even before he shakes his head, hair brushing against your face.   
Your all-consuming lust ebbs momentarily and is replaced with a feeling of affection and tenderness toward his. Your own pleasure becomes inconsequential as you set your mind to making the experience all about him. His arms are shaking with the effort of keeping himself under control. But you don’t want him under control. You want him to lose himself in you, even if he ruins you in the process.   
Reaching up toward your head, you find his fingers clenched around the folds of the sheet. You lace your fingers into his as you lean up and whisper into his hear, “Fuck me.” His eyes widen and his jaw drops as he pulls back and stares at you in obvious amazement. You smile back at him.   
He pulls out of you slowly, staring into your eyes the whole time before plunging back in. You bite your lip to stifle a gasp at the curious mix of pain and pleasure that courses through your body.   
Kylo continues to lunge into your tight heat, slowly building speed before finding a rhythm. Above you, his eyes are squeezed shut and his mouth hangs open in a silent cry. You lift your legs and clench them around his waist as he pounds into you harder and harder. The pain within you has subsided, giving way to an unusual, but certainly not unenjoyable sensation. Tossing your head back on your pillow, you’re no longer concerned with being quiet, but giving yourself over to him and to the feeling of tension, coiling tight in your belly. You moan audibly.  
The sound of your arousal, seems to break through the fog surrounding Kylo, spurring him further, reaching an almost frantic pace. You’re canting your hips, meeting him thrust for thrust, when he suddenly freezes, growls your name into your ear and you gasp as you feel his warm juices fill you.  
You’re shaking when he collapses, panting onto your sweaty chest. Again, you twine your fingers into his hair and listen to the sound of your pounding heart. Suddenly, he has seized your face, slamming his lips onto yours. “I… FUCK, I love you!” You smile up at him, surprised by the declaration, but are more than happy to return the sentiment. Running a finger down the bridge of his nose, you answer. “I love you too.”  
You shudder at the feel of him pulling his already softening cock from you as rolls onto his side, facing you. “Are you all right?” he asks. You nod, smiling. “Wonderful. And you?” Kylo frowns as he ponders the question, before nodding. “Wonderful,” he repeats. “I’m glad you’re all right.”   
And you are all right. Despite the initial pain and awkwardness, in addition to the complete lack of orgasm, your heart is too full to allow you to feel anything else.


	17. Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a resistance pilot is captured, Kylo sees it as an opportunity to push his apprentice to the brink of her powers and emotions.

It seems like a reasonable excuse to test your powers. A Resistance pilot was shot down and captured on the base. If the usual means of torture and coercion didn’t work, then Kylo Ren would be brought in to finish the job. That was the standard protocol before Starkiller, before the scavenger and before you. And the First Order is determined to regain that standard. But with the addition of an apprentice, the pressure wasn’t entirely on Kylo anymore and he was more than willing to allow you to assist with the task at hand.  
The Interrogation Room is dim, lit only by a single light, aimed at the table in the center. The pilot looks terrified, strapped to the interrogation table. His hair is dirty, and streaked with blood and his face is puffy from his previously sustained torture. His eyes as wide as Oba Diah’s Moon as he stares at you and Kylo. You hate him already.  
“Check his thoughts first,” Kylo whispers as he stands over you. “Make certain we extract any useful information before we dispose of him.”  
Entering people’s minds has become easy to you, sifting through their thoughts as they pass you in the corridors or stand behind you in line in the Executive Dining Room. This wayward pilot is no exception. You place your fingers a breath away from his face and focus. Barely registering the look of discomfort on his face, you push your way through his resistance. “Don’t fight,” you mutter. “It wastes both our time.” You feel his thoughts fold over onto themselves and give way to you.  
Closing your eyes, you focus on the images and phrases of his that are now in your own mind. A family, beautiful woman and young child. “No”, you think. “You’ll never see them again.” A few choice words aimed at you. He’ll pay for those, of course. An instrument panel and a smoking X-Wing. Something looking like… a shar chart?  
You wince as you meet more resistance. He is fighting. What is he hiding? “Relax.” You hear Kylo’s voice behind you. You had somehow forgotten that he was in the room with you. “Be patient and trust yourself.”  
“What the Fuck?!” The sound of the other voice wrenches you from the pilot’s thoughts and you stumble backward in. The momentary surprise gives way quickly to frustration. You were so close.  
“Who is she?!” Below the restraints on his wrist, you can see the pilot point a shaky finger at you. In an instant, Kylo is nose to nose with him. “Don’t even look at her!” he hisses.  
You step toward Kylo, concerned that he will kill your victim before you can get anything useful from him. “There was something there. I think.” You hesitate, knowing how important this is and not wanting to risk making any mistakes.  
“Don’t worry,” Kylo soothes. “You did well.” You watch as he reaches an enormous hand toward the pilot and as the other man’s face contorts. Naturally Kylo makes short order of him, remaining singularly focused throughout the sound of screaming.  
After several minutes, Kylo withdraws both his hand and the crushing power of his mind from the pilot, leaving him panting and barely clinging to consciousness. He turns back to you. “The planet is Umbara, The shadow world. Easy to miss,” He smirks slightly. “You’re right about it being important. He’s concerned with his family’s safety there. But where there is family, there may also be fugitives hiding.” His voice has taken on a decidedly more bitter tone and you can’t help thinking about his own family and their associations. “We’ll send a detachment there to take care of them. Perhaps you can accompany us on that mission.”  
The torture and interrogation of a fallen Resistance pilot was no doubt exciting, but the prospect of accompanying Kylo and the detachment to eliminate the pilot’s family, and possibly more criminals, is even more exciting and you feel your heart speed up at the thought.  
“In the meantime,” Kylo says to you as he straightens his leather gloves. “Do you want to practice Inflict Pain on him?” You nod eagerly and reach out to the pilot’s semi-conscious form.  
In his current state, with his resistances down, it’s easier to target and focus on him, rather that the jittery Stormtroopers you’d only practiced on in the past. You can feel his consciousness and the heat emanating from your hand meet halfway in the dark room.  
You’d always been a shy child and, you’d like to think that you’d grown into a fairly benign adult. The thought of torture and execution certainly never appealed to you. Until you began your training and learned just what the Resistance was capable of. What disregard they had to order, for life. If given the chance, you know this nameless pilot would destroy you and everything you hold dear. Your mother and Qica, Kylo. Your anger flares as you picture this pilot, this nobody attack and murder your loved ones. How dare he? Any attack on the First Order is an attack on your family and you want to make him pay.  
You can feel your power slam into him, fueled by your anger and fear. And you watch as he raises his head and screams again, the sound echoing in your ears. You remember your own agony when Kylo introduced you to Inflict Pain to you and you use the memory to spurn you on further. You want to hurt this pilot as much as possible. You want to kill him before he can hurt anyone else. The screaming intensifies and he begins to struggle frantically against his restraints. Even through the thrashing, you can see the blood dripping from his ears and nose.  
Quite suddenly, the screaming stops and the pilot slumps over in his restraints as he loses consciousness totally. You pause as you watch the blood drip from him onto the otherwise spotless floor. You know, in the way that the Force sometimes grants you knowledge, that you could revive him and continue. You could seemingly do that all day, as long as his broken body can withstand it.  
You flex your fingers and take a step back to regain your composure when you feel an arm on your elbow. “I think that’s enough for now, my love,” Kylo whispers. “Let’s keep him alive. We may need to use him for leverage.”  
You turn and look up at him. “I was going to destroy him. I wanted to destroy him. Find his whole family and kill them...” Tears are flowing down your cheeks now, but before you have a chance to wipe them. Kylo has taken your face in his hands and kissed you. “I’m so proud of you,” he mutters as he trails kisses down your neck. “And as much as I’d love to fuck you right here, while this bit of scum is forced to watch, I’ll call for someone to dispose of him.”  
You melt into his arms, exhausted now from the whole encounter. But not too exhausted to allow Kylo to lead you back to his quarters and allow him to have his way with you. And you will respond with as much passion as you always do.


	18. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gratuitous sex scene. Because Kylo is a possessive bastard.

Honestly, you’re not quite sure how you got here. Of course, you remember Kylo finding you in the corridor, while you were on your way to the Executive Dining Room for some lunch. You remember him forcefully grabbing your hand and leading you away without saying a word. But you never expected to end up in what appears to be a supply closet, legs wrapped around his waist as he thrusts up into you.  
“Kylo, what…?” You’d barely had time to ask as he pushed you into the small room, discarded his mask and pressed his mouth onto yours.   
Keeping your relationship secret has been somewhat of a challenge and there have been more than a few encounters in empty closets, deserted alcoves and other semi-public places when the urge struck and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. But this is the first time that such an encounter has ended up with Kylo shoving your skirt up to your waist and quite literally ripping your undergarment off.   
Your eye drifts up to a bin on the shelf above you. Even through the dim light, you can see it’s clearly labeled “Calcinators”. Definitely a supply closet, you think as one particularly hard thrust sends your head knocking into the wall behind you.   
You wonder what might have brought this on. Such a spontaneous tryst is no doubt, a reaction to something. You look back at who might have talked to you recently or looked at you the wrong way. You smiled and thank you to one of the breakfast servers thing morning. Was that it? No matter, really. You’ve grown to enjoy being on the receiving end of Kylo’s jealousy fueled tantrums   
You bury your face in the rough fabric of hiss cowl to muffle your whimpers. Thankful that he had removed the helmet, allowing you to curl your fingers into his hair as you ride his cock.  
His fingers dig into your flesh as he grips your waist, guiding your movements. You can’t help but smile at the thought of the ten little purple spots that will no doubt mar your skin tomorrow, each one affirming that you do indeed, belong to him.  
You feel your climax building as his speed increases and you rotate your hips, ensuring pressure on your clit. His lips are on your neck and his tongue is probing the dip of your collarbone as he pounds into you.  
“Kylo” you whisper as you clench your fingers in his hair. “I’m so close.” Your orgasm is coming on fast and you need him to know. You’ve discovered through your near constant lovemaking, that Kylo thrives on praise. He loves to be told how he’s doing and how much he’s pleasing you. And you’re getting into the habit of keeping up a running commentary during sex, a steady stream of words to let him know just how well he’s fucking you.  
At the sound of your voice in his ear, he raises his head and looks you in the eye. For the first time since you entered the closet, he speaks. “Are you going to scream?” he asks. “They’ll all hear if you do.” His thrusts have become faster, more erratic. “They’ll all hear and know what a beautiful little slut you are for me, won’t they?”  
You’ve also learned that, as much as Kylo loves to be on the receiving end of your praises, he also loves to be the one doling them out. Commending you for being so wet for him, or taking his cock so deep. His words always seem to turn you on just as much as his actions.  
“Fuck yes,” you whisper as you throw your head back and he sucks at your neck in earnest. “The whole fucking base will hear me. GODS, Kylo!” You last words end on a keening wail as your own orgasm tears through you. You whole body tenses, your fingers in his hair, your legs wrapped around his waist, your walls around his throbbing cock, all the way to the tips of your curling toes.  
It leaves you limp and breathless, but still you cling to him. Biting your lip as he thrusts up into you at a frantic pace, your sensitive and overstimulated body well on its way to a second orgasm.   
Kylo is now muttering a stream of words that contains both your name and several obscenities. At one particularly deep thrust, you feel him spill into you. “Fuck… Y/N,” he pants. Holding your chin with his hand, he forces you to look into his eyes. “Don’t ever forget,” his voice is tender but with an unmistakable possessive undertone to it. “You are mine. Just as I am yours.”  
You are without a doubt, hopelessly and irrevocably his. Kylo knows it and now everyone passing by that supply closet now knows too. You feel like the entire base knows it, that idiot you smiled at during breakfast knows it.   
You wonder how you would look walking back down the corridor: undergarment torn to shreds and cum seeping down your thighs. The whole galaxy will know who you truly belong to.


	19. Execution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the captured Resistance pilot has served his purpose, Kylo's apprentice in invited to witness and experience her first execution.

The day after your encounter in the supply closet, Kylo tells you that the captured Resistance pilot has served his purpose and is no longer needed. Normally, one of the cell block guards would perform his execution. But Kylo volunteered to do this one, so you could assist. Or at the very least, watch.   
You’re looking forward to witnessing the pilot’s death. Looking forward to, but with a slight hint fear. You’d never seen anyone die before. You and your mother only received the news of your father’s death and never even saw his body. And when your other pittin, Tasqa, (Qica’s mother) died, your mother told you after school and, again, you never saw her.  
You’re not sure how’ll Kylo will actually go about killing him and, what’s more, you’re not sure how you’ll react to seeing it. You do know that you want him dead. Immediately. Whether he had lost his way and was accidentally flying over your bas or not is inconsequential. He is with the Resistance and is therefore dangerous and cannot be allowed to live.   
These are all the thoughts that are running through your head and you and Kylo to a lower level in the cell block. During the short ride, you are both silent, but his fingers brush against your and you are reassured by his touch.  
The pilot (whose name you still do not know) looks worse than when you saw him in the interrogation room a few days earlier. Being captive has definitely taken its toll on him. He looks thinner and his previous defiant look is gone, as if he’s resigned to his fate.  
Before entering his cell, Kylo takes you aside. His mask is in place, but you can feel his gaze through it as he looks down at you. “You are sure you are all right with this?” he asks and you nod. “There is a lesson to be learned here,” he continues. “This man is no more use to us. But killing him now is not about showing him mercy. It is about resources used in keeping him alive. He deserves no mercy. Always remember that.”  
The pilot sits slumped in a corner of his cell and doesn’t move when the two of you walk in. But he does look up and you see something in his eyes as his gaze turns to you. Is it recognition? No. More like accusation. “How could you allow this?” his eyes ask. You stare back without blinking. You’re not allowing anything. You are not in the wrong by sanctioning this man’s death. And you feel no remorse.  
Standing over him, Kylo ignites his lightsaber and with one slash across the pilot’s chest, he is dead. Looking down at him, you find yourself surprised at this lack of blood. You bend down over him to look closer. The wound across his chest is gaping and smells of burnt flesh. As the smell assaults your nostrils, your mind if suddenly filled with the vision of Darth Vader’s charred and melted mask. And again, you feel the palpable and heavy presence of him beside you.   
“Are you all right?” Kylo asks as he snaps his saber back into its holster and turns to face you. You nod and straighten up. “I am,” you answer. The next words leave your mouth before you realize it. “Thank you.” Whether you are thinking him for killing the pilot or for allowing you to be there, you’re unsure. But you feel the need to convey your gratitude.   
As you and Kylo exit the cell block with a quick word to the guard to dispose of the remains, the think again of Darth Vader and you know he would be proud. Proud of your mother, proud of his grandson and proud of you. You reach out and take Kylo’s hand as the elevator takes you back up.


	20. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any hint of resistance must be eradicated, any followers destroyed. As Kylo's apprentice is learning, being an integral part of the First Oder, sometimes means being a harbinger of death. Regardless of the lives taken.

Several routine days pass before Kylo tells you that, the next day, you will be accompanying him on the mission to the dead pilot’s home world to investigate his family and any ties they may have to the Resistance.  
The reconnaissance officers had done their job of tracking the family to Akiva and, by this time, the strike team should have done their job of finding them and flushing them out.  
Ironic, you think as you stare out the window of Kylo’s command shuttle, that his family is living on the first planet to join the Galactic Republic. It’s a shame that Starkiller Base was destroyed. You’d like to see Akiva and all its inhabitants blown to pieces.  
Kylo hasn’t spoken since you boarded the shuttle and you, too have remained silent throughout the trip. The two pilots keep their eyes trained on the ship’s controls as you make the jump from hyperspace and Akiva comes into view.  
You wonder how such a lovely planet, with its vivid blues and greens, can harbor such evil. At least the pilot is gone, you think as the shuttle begins its descent. One less piece of Resistance filth to worry about. And he’ll soon be reunited with his filthy family.  
The settlement is small, a few dwellings on the outskirts of the jungle. Most of the inhabitants stand, huddled in their doorways, watching. While a small group, what you can only assume to be the pilot’s family, stands outside their home at gunpoint. Personal belongs litter the ground at their feet. An older couple clings to each other and the small child has his face buried in his mother’s skirt.  
The mother, whom you recognize from the pilot’s thoughts, stares down the Stormtroopers with a look of defiance on her face. She knew this would happen, you think as you and Kylo approach them. “We searched the group and the home,” one of the troopers tells you. “They’re clean.”  
“Clean,” Kylo repeats. He bends over to pick something up from the scattered rubble at your feet. It’s a small hologram, showing the pilot, his wife and a smiling baby. The image makes your stomach turn. What scum, you think. How dare they raise their child this way? He’s better off dead than with parents like this. Their holographic faces continue to smile up at you from Kylo’s outstretched palm.  
“We’ll keep fighting,” she says, bringing you out of your reverie. You had somehow expected the wife of a Resistance pilot’s voice to be hard, not light and slightly melodic. Meanwhile the older man has stepped forward. “You fiends!” he roars. “Taking innocent lives! You’ll pay for this, I swear! The First Order will fall and take you all with it!” The older woman and child merely sob.  
“Enough,” Kylo snaps. He has no patience for emotional outbursts. You watch as he drops the hologram and crushes it under his boot. “Your son was a coward, just like you.”  
He turns to the nearest Stormtrooper. “Kill them all. The entire village. Burn it to the ground.”  
The trooper signals another one standing nearby and in an instant, they’ve opened fire on all the inhabitants. Flametroopers shoot tongues of fire at the dwellings. Some of the villages try to run, of course, but none of them get far. You watch in awe as the pilot’s family drops to the ground in front of you and Kylo gently places a hand on your elbow.  
“There’s nothing more here,” he says as he leads you away. You allow him to guide you through the fire and the screaming back to his shuttle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given today's political climate, writing about killing families and children is quite difficult. I fought back tears throughout this chapter, but felt that it had to be done. I apologize for its length and quality. Rest assured that I will soon temper the unpleasantness with more sex! Much love to everyone who has given this fic a chance <3


	21. Recovery and respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the carnage of the assault on Avika, Kyko and his apprentice both realize that they are in need of a vacation.

In the days following the assault on Akiva, Kylo of course noticed that you were distracted. The execution of a Resistance pilot had been one thing, but witnessing the destruction of his family and their entire village was less easy. The crying of the pilot’s mall son, especially stuck with you. Couldn’t he have been saved? He was so young, he could still be taught. Perhaps you and Kylo could… but you know the thought was ridiculous. That was no saving that child. At only a few years old, his little mind was already corrupted. And the idea of you and Kylo raising a child together was almost laughable. As if you didn’t have enough to do.  
Still, he kept a close eye on you. You discussed your feelings and how missions like this would get a little easier every time. He assigned you more reading about the evils of the Republic and the Resistance and, at night, in the darkness of his bedchamber, his lovemaking was slow and gentle.  
A week later, Kylo sits you down and announces that it’s time to accompany him on another mission. You know you’re ready this time. Whoever it is, you’ll kill them yourself. You’ll destroy the whole planet!  
“You’ve been working very hard lately,” he tells you. “We both have and Supreme Leader and I both agree that we deserve a break.” You remember your last break, Sapir Tea and tangled emotions. How things have changed since then.  
Kylo goes on to tell you that you’ll be staying at Count Dooku’s old palace on Serreno and to be ready to leave by the next afternoon. He even offers to help you pack, which leads to him helping you choose what to wear. Which leads to a string of increasingly lewd compliments from him. Which inevitably leads to his hands up your skirt as you pant into his neck. Just as you are ready to kill for him again, the destroy entire planetary systems for him, you are ready for him to fuck you hard and fast again. And he’s only too happy to oblige.   
The next afternoon, you depart, your luggage in tow (though Kylo had tried hard to convince you that you’d not be needing clothing) and the customary two pilots manning the controls of Kylo’s command shuttle.   
Just as it was the last time you were on board, the shuttle is freezing. So, none of the small crew thinks anything of it when you slip into the seat next to him and cover yourself with your cloak. He refuses to acknowledge you, like he usually does in any kind of public setting, moving closer to the shuttle wall.   
The journey to Serenno is long, even with the jump to hyperspace, and he’s determined to maintain his terrifying persona. At least until the shuttle lands and you can be truly alone with him. Naturally, Kylo would choose to spend his leave on a planet rich with Imperial history. You sigh, lean your head on his shoulder and hope that he doesn’t plan on spending the entire week holed up in the manor’s library. You’d be perfectly content if the two of you never left the bedroom.   
You take it as a good sign that he doesn’t immediately shrug your head off his shoulder. Shifting in your seat, you steal a glance at him. Helmet firmly in place, his head is still bent over the datapad in his hands.   
It’s no secret, his attachment to you. Nor is your sometimes ridiculous devotion to him. But outside of any kind of private setting, he remains unreachable behind the mask. Frustration flutters in your chest and you long to make him lose that composure, as he has so many nights behind closed doors, sweaty curls sticking to his temples, long fingers twisted in the bedsheets as he systematically falls apart beneath you.  
Knowing he’ll make you pay dearly for it upon your arrival, you resign yourself to your fate. Flipping the cloak so it covers his lap as well, you delicately slide one hand underneath the fabric.  
Kylo jumps only slightly at your touch on his knee but quickly recovers. You meet his faceless gaze and smile innocently, knowing he’ll dare not say anything in front of the pilots.   
He returns to his work, but with a slight hunch in his shoulders. You hum to yourself and stare placidly out the porthole as your fingers ghost up the coarse fabric of his trousers. “It’s always so cold in this thing,” you whisper as you move closer to him. Fingers continuing their torturous journey, you try to imagine Kylo’s features beneath the mask. Pursed lips, brows furrowed in concentration. You picture the way his pupils dilate, turning his eyes to black when he is aroused and suppress a giggle at the image.  
Meanwhile your fingernails have snagged on a fold in the fabric near the apex of his thigh and you stop to toy with it, gently tugging. You can see his gloved fingers clench on the datapad and wonder just how long he’ll allow you to continue this game before he uses the Force to restrain your hand.   
Reaching your intended goal, you’re surprised to find him already hard beneath your hand. Without warning, Kylo slams the datapad onto the table. The pilots, trained to ignore his frequent outbursts, continue to focus on the ship’s controls. You stare resolutely out the porthole, intentionally avoiding his gaze as you trace a single finger up his length.  
Even through the mask, you can hear his breath hitch as you tighten your grip. Could you manage to undo his trousers with just one hand? Do you dare try? Your training with him certainly did not include this, but you welcome the challenge. Making short order of the layers of fabric, you are pleased to find his flesh is as hot and unyielding as it was the night before when he’d had you. You feel your own desire curl low in your stomach. Your fingers still as you are momentarily distracted by a vision of him bending you over the ship’s table while the pilots look on.   
But your focus returns and the pilots remain completely absorbed in their course, oblivious to the passengers behind them or the subtle motions from under your cloak. Nor are they aware of how the fearsome leader of the Knights of Ren is panting behind his mask or how his fingers flex and grip, scrambling for purchase at the edge of the table.   
The head of his cock swells in your hand, pulsating as a drop of precum seeps through your fingers. You imagine his taste on your tongue and your head swims. Dizzy with your own arousal, you bite your lip to keep from whimpering audibly. You can feel Kylo’s eyes on you, though you can’t see them and are determined to return his stare. You narrow your eyes and slowly slide your fingers back down to his base, twisting you wrist as you go.  
Muffled words from behind his mask. A prayer? A curse? Your name? He raises shaking hands to the seal, as if to remove it, but lets them drop back down to the table with a thud. One of the pilots turns his head ever so slightly toward the two of you and you begin pumping your hand in earnest. You are determined that Kylo Ren will reach his destination before the pilots arrive at theirs.  
Your cloak is beginning to slip as you increase your speed. You can see your reflection in his mask and are mesmerized by it, all wide eyes and flushed cheeks. Kylo bows his head over the table as he balls his hands into fists, fingers digging into his palms.   
Your free hand flutters up to your neck, your face and, as you feel the muscles of his abdomen tense against your arm, you bite down on your thumb to keep from moaning loudly.. Leaning your head against his chest, you can hear his heart pounding as his seed spills over your fingers.   
The copilot turns to you once again and you sit up, clutching at your cloak with trembling fingers. “We’re approaching Serreno’s atmosphere, Sir, and will be landing momentarily.”  
Kylo doesn’t acknowledge the pilot’s update, instead never taking his eyeless gaze from you. Slowly, he reaches out a leather clad hand and gently pushes the sweaty strands of hair from your forehead.


	22. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spending the first morning of their leave on Serreno together, Kylo and his apprentice rediscover each other.

That first night on Serenno, you and Kylo were too tired to make love and were content to fall asleep in each other’s arms. When he whimpered from the nightmares, you held him tighter, listening to the pounding of his heart. And when the sun rose through the thick curtains, he stroked your hair and kissed you awake.   
Breakfast was also served outside the door. As you walk across the room to retrieve the tray, you hear Kylo’s voice from behind you. “You are beautiful. Have I told you that?”   
“Maybe once or twice,” you answer as you hand the tray to him and climb back into bed. You hold out a piece of Gapanga fruit for him to take a bite off and kiss him firmly on the lips, “I think you’re beautiful too.”   
You enjoy a leisurely breakfast in bed before setting the tray back outside the door. At this rate, you think, we won’t even get to see the rest of the palace. But without the distractions of the base, work and training, the two of you are completely consumed by each other’s company.   
You’ve only barely made it back to the bed when Kylo seizes you, throwing you on your back and pressing his lips to yours. “Beautiful and utterly fuckable,” he whispers against you. You barely manage a giggle before his tongue is in your mouth, stealing away both your breath and any lingering taste of the morning.  
Moving on from your lips, Kylo places a series of wet kisses down your neck, he stops briefly to unbutton your nightgown. Taking one of your breasts into his mouth, he flicks his tongue against the hardening nipple. You know he loves it when you’re vocal during sex, relishing the thought of being overheard. You moan loudly as he takes the other breast into his hand, massaging the soft flesh. If there are any of the servants on this floor, working, they’ll certainly hear. Let them know, you think. Let them stand outside the door and listen.   
Kylo kisses down your stomach and continues his journey onto your thigh. He pauses when he reaches your foot, delicately placing a kiss on each of your toes. You giggle again as he looks up. “Ticklish?” he asks. You nod as you bite your lip. “Good to know,” he murmurs as he nips at the tender flesh of your calf.   
You lay there, eyes wide and head thrown back on the pillow and focus your attention on some minute spot on the ceiling. You’ve given up trying to control your breathing and are taking great shuddering gasps in both arousal and anticipation.   
Who would have thought that, Kylo Ren, the formidable leader of the Knights of Ren and perhaps the most feared figure in the Galaxy, would shed his mask and cowl and completely lose himself in pressing rough kisses up the length of your thigh?   
You were not surprised to discover that, once comfortable, Kylo makes love much the same way he deals with his enemies, preferring to draw things out at a slow and torturous pace, toying with his prey before moving in for the kill with a ferocity that is almost frightening. He’s nothing, if not passionate. A true Sith Lord, in every sense.   
He is taking his time now, savoring the sound of your plaintive whimpers and the smell of your arousal. He momentarily stops in his journey to suck a bruise into the flesh of your leg. You gasp as he presses a thumb into the slick skin and watches it change from pale back to crimson.  
His eyes are nearly black, pupils dilated with hunger as he looks back up at you. “Tell me.” His voice is low, but still commanding. “Tell me what you want.” He cocks his head to one side, waiting patiently for your answer as he delicately fingers the fabric of your nightgown.  
Neither of you had done this before and you figured the trail of kisses he’s left down your exposed breast and up your thigh would inevitable end up at your pussy. Now, he may be stalling because he’s unsure how to proceed of he may be drawing things out just to tease you. Whatever the case, you’re aching for his touch.  
“Kylo!” you gasp, “Please!” trying and failing to keep the whine out of your voice. You know you sound like a petulant child and you know he’ll make you pay for your desperation. “Please what?” he asks, a hint of a smirk teasing his full lips.   
“Please,” you breathe. “Just touch me!” You raise your hips off the bed, as if you’d somehow be able to bring yourself closer to his mouth that way. “Patience, my love” he soothes as you places a hand on your bare stomach and presses your hips back down into the mattress.   
“So desperate for it,” he whispers and you jump at you feel his fingers on you. After all the foreplay and teasing, you are swollen and positively dripping. He runs his fingers up and down your folds before pausing to swirl a finger around your clit.   
Meanwhile, he is leaving a trail of wet kisses back down your stomach. You gasp as his lips find their intended target, panting as he begins to run the tip of his tongue slowly up and down your slit.   
“Is this all right?” his words are muffled and, even though you know he can’t see you, you nod fervently. This is more than all right. His inexperienced tongue is driving you to ecstasy already with its varied pressures and rhythms.   
Determined not to come too soon, you close your eyes and focus again on your breathing and trying to calm down. You focus on not shoving yourself into his mouth and desperately fucking his face like you want to.

 

Opening your eyes once more, your vision drifts down your torso, past your flushed chest and hardened nipples. The sight of his head, nestled between your legs, tousled hair brushing your thighs is fascinating and almost as satisfying as his ministrations with his tongue. You raise your hips, allowing his mouth greater access and spread your shaking legs even farther apart.  
You gasp loudly as you feel his tongue enter you. “Kylo!” you whine as you can’t help pushing back into his face. Placing a hand on each of your thighs, he spreads your legs more and thrusts into you again with his tongue. As always, your fingers find their way into his hair.   
Kylo is becoming more confident and bolder in his movements, his tongue now mimicking his finger’s previous orbit around your clit. As he does, you gasp and bite your lip to keep from crying out. You know he loves to draw things out and you know your orgasm will be all the better for it, but he’s driving you mad.   
Sensing your arousal and mounting frustration, Kylo latches his lips onto your clit and sucks in earnest. As he does, you can’t keep from moaning loudly. He keeps this up for several minutes, alternating between the hard sucking and gently laving your clitoris with his tongue until you’re almost sobbing with pleasure.  
Your legs are shaking, your heart pounding and breathing is coming fast and irregular. You cry out as you unexpectedly feel Kylo’s finger enter you, intentionally hitting your g-spot. You shout his name and it echoes in the bedchamber.   
A few more thrusts of his finger and you feel your orgasm approaching. You whine as he removes his finger, but its quickly replaced by his tongue again. As he thrusts deep into you, you feel the tip of his nose brush against your swollen nub. “Kylo!” you gasp. “I’m so close. Please!”   
Suddenly, he’s withdrawn and is looking up at you again. “Would you like to come, my love?” he asks. You gape at him, and nod frantically. “Come on my face, on this damn scar, fuck you with my tongue until I’m drowning in you? Is that what you’d like?”  
“Kylo!” you sob. “Please. Please.” Without another word, he dives back down between your legs, stabbing into your cunt with his tongue. As he does, you feel his thumb on your clit.  
“Kylo, Kylo, Kylo,” your chant ends on a high-pitched wail as you feel your orgasm slam into you. You feel your walls clench tight, contracting around his tongue, which continues to thrust inside you, as his thumb works frantically at your clit.   
As your orgasm continues crashing over you, Kylo rises from between your legs and kisses you deeply. You taste yourself on his tongue and shudder. He pulls away, face slick with saliva and your own juices.  
“Are you…?” you pant as you shakily raise up on your elbows and see the noticeable hardness beneath his pajama pants. “Do you need me to…?”  
“No,” he interrupts, gently pushing you back down onto the bed. “This morning is all about you.”  
He rises from the bed and throws the blanket over your naked, trembling body. “I’ll have the servants draw you a bath.”


	23. Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and his apprentice enjoy their leave on Serreno.

The rest of the day is relaxing. You convince the servants to pack a picnic lunch for you. It takes more convincing, however, to get Kylo to accompany you. It’s only a short hike to the nearby lake. After lunch, you shed your clothes and wade into the cool water. Kylo is reluctant to follow, but the sight of your naked and dripping body soon entices him in after you. You lure him from the bank and farther into the depths of the lake. Of course he catches you. And of course he makes you pay, by teasing your body into pliable submission and by tearing another orgasm from you in the water.   
The two of you nap after lunch. You fall asleep with your arm thrown over him in the dim coolness of the bedchamber and he strokes your hair. Hours later you awake to the sound of Kylo’s heavy breathing and whimpers. Lying next to him, you feel him twitch in his sleep. “Kylo,” you whisper as you shake him gently. He moans, but otherwise doesn’t respond. “Kylo!” you shake him harder. His eyes fly open and he sits up in the bed. “Kylo?” you ask. “Are you all right?” He shakes his head, running his fingers through his tousled hair. “Just a nightmare,” he mutters. You reach out to stroke him and arm and find that he’s trembling.   
“Do you…” you hesitate. “Do you want to talk about it?” He looks at you and half smiles. “Not particularly.” He gently kisses you and dismissively waves a hand. “Nothing for you to worry about. Just anxiety. Supreme Leader Snoke and fear of… inadequacies.”  
You flop back down onto the pillow. “Well, that’s a pile of bantha dung,” you tell him matter of factly. Kylo scowls back at you. “What is that supposed to mean?” You sit back up and wrap your arms around him from behind. “Look, darling. Not to discount your fears, but you are probably the most adequate person I’ve ever met.” You feel rather than hear him scoff and you crawl around to face him. “Kylo,” you need him to know how important this is. “Are you not the leader of the Knights of Ren? They all follow you, the worship you. Supreme Leader Snoke trusts you to not only be his apprentice, but to train an apprentice of your own.” You cup his face in your hands. “You’ve taught me so much. You’re an absolutely fearless warrior, an amazing teacher and a more-than-adequate lover.” You smile and, though it takes him a while, he does smile back.   
“I know better than anyone how self-doubt can eat at you, but Kylo, please believe me when I tell you how incredible you are.” You brush a lock of hair back from his forehead. “Please?”   
He sighs deeply, catching your hand in his. “To quote you, my love, ‘Easier said than done.’” You accept his excuse grudgingly. If you’re allowed to complain about yourself and your abilities all the time, it’s only fair that he be permitted the same.   
You watch him yawn and can’t help but smile. “Come on,” you gently push him back down and curl up next to him. “I’m not ready to get up yet.” He wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer. “I’ll dream only of you,” he promises.   
After your nap (and only sweet dreams), Kylo attempts to teach you to play Dejarik on an old board the two of you found in a closet. He can only shake his head helplessly as you lose one game after another game to him. “I was never much of a gamer as a kid,” you explain as one of his pieces viciously attacks yours. “I was more of a reader.”  
“That much is obvious,” his piece drags yours across the board and continues its beating. “Brutal,” you declare the whole game before switching it off. “Are we civilized or not?” Kylo raises an eyebrow at you. “We condone the killing of innocent people to further our political agenda, we invade their minds and turn their thoughts against them. That, and we’ve fucked on almost every surface in Count Dooku’s mansion.”  
You snort at him. “Well,one can hardly argue when you put it that way. And it hasn’t been every surface… not yet.” Kylo smirks as he stands over you. You feel your breath hitch and the beginnings of arousal curling between your legs.  
“Come on, let’s dress for dinner.” Taking your hands, he pulls you to your feet. “It’s time we made an appearance downstairs anyway. And, after dinner, perhaps we’ll see what we can do about the dining room table.” He winks and sends you scurrying for the closet to dress. You picture the servants looking on, horrified, plates shattering on the floor as Kylo bends you over the dining table and ruthlessly takes you from behind. Suddenly, you are very hungry.


	24. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The formal dinner in Count Dooku's old palace doesn't go quite as planned.

On the surface, dinner appears to be an uneventful affair. Kylo sits at the head of the table with you by his side. Your conversation is polite and pleasant as you recount the day’s events and talk about your plans for the next day. You work your way through the courses with no incidents, but you’re sure that even the servants can’t miss the heated looks that pass between you.  
After you’ve finished eating, Kylo orders the servants out of the room. “Leave it until morning,” he demands at their attempts to clean off the table. The servants bid a hasty retreat. Even they know not to question Kylo Ren.  
He looks at you for a moment before kicking his chair back, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you toward his side of the table. You have just enough time to brace yourself on the table before he has you bent over it.   
“Maybe it was a bad idea to come down here to eat,” he whispers as he lifts up your skirt and bend to kiss his way up your leg. “Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you’ve been looking at me all through dinner.” He shoves you farther into the table and the dishes scatter beneath you scrabbling hands.  
“Me?” you gasp. “You were fucking me with your eyes before the first course!” You squeal in surprise as he brings his hand down hard on your buttocks. “Filthy girl,” Kylo mutters as he pulls your undergarment down over your legs. “I’ll fuck you with something else if you want.”   
“Yes, Commander,” You tease, rolling your eyes. “Please fuck me.” He spanks you again, harder this time. “Don’t be insubordinate.” You bite your lip, both from the stinging pain and from the urge to giggle at your conversation.  
“I know you want this,” Kylo continues and you feel his finger enter you. “You always want this, me inside you, every day. And you’re so wet for it, so ready for me.” You push back into him as his finger sinks deeper into you.  
He withdraws his finger and brings it up to your clit. As he touches the swollen nub, you gasp and tighten your grip on the table, folds of the ornate tablecloth bunching beneath your fingers. Kylo spends several minutes focused on your clit, alternating between swirling his fingers around it and applying direct pressure on it. He continues this until you are a panting wreck, sprawled over the table.  
He finally withdraws his hand from between your legs and you moan at the loss of his touch. You push your hips back at him and hear him chuckle as he gently pats your buttocks. “Patience, patience. I know what you need. Don’t worry, my love. You’ll get it.” As you let the sound of his voice wash over you, you hear the rustling of fabric behind as he takes his cock out.  
He teases your entrance, rubbing the tip of his cock up and down your slit, spreading the moisture. You moan loudly as he suddenly thrusts hard into you, knocking your elbow into a nearby plate and sending it, shattering to the floor.   
Gripping your hips from behind, he digs his fingers into the soft flesh. You know it will leave a mark by morning and you moan louder at the thought. “Make it hurt,” you whisper. “I want to be able to see how much you want me.”  
“You want it to hurt?” Kylo asks as he spanks you hard again. “I’ll make it hurt.” He increases his speed, now frantically pounding into you, his fingers bruising your hips. The sound of heavy breathing and slapping skin echoes in the vast dining hall.   
He’s hitting your g-spot with every thrust now and you’re thrusting right back onto his cock with abandon. “Kylo!” you groan. “I’m so close… please.” He spanks you again. “Don’t you fucking come until I say so!” he growls in your ear as he grabs a handful of hair and yanks your head back.   
“Yes, Commander!” you gasp, any trace of your earlier sarcasm now gone and replaced with raw need and a fierce desire to please him. You try to slow your breathing and your impending orgasm.   
You’re nearly sobbing by the time Kylo lets go of your hair and brings his fingers back around to you aching clit. “Not yet, baby,” he whispers as he runs his thumb over it and you shudder. “You’re such a good girl, Gods you take my cock so deep. So fucking beautiful.” You know his own orgasm is close because he’s starting to babble.   
You feel his gloved hand caressing your bare buttock, soothing over the sore spot before spanking you again twice in quick succession as he slows his thrusting. “Do you want to come now?” His voice is low and full of lust. “Do you want to come on your master’s cock?”  
Kylo’s words alone are enough to send you over the edge, but you hold back. You nod frantically, swallowing hard. “Please!” You choke out, bucking your hips against his. “Do it,” he orders as he grabs your hips again and slams you into him. “Come for me, Y/N. Now.”  
You orgasm collides into you and you arch your back into Kylo and clench the table as waves of pleasure crash over you. Behind you, you hear Kylo growl your name again as your walls clench around him and you feel him spill into your cunt.  
Before you even have a chance to catch your breath, he has yanked you up, whirled you around and lifted you onto the table. He presses his lips to yours and you wrap your arms around him neck, partially to bring him closer, partially to steady yourself.  
Wrapping your legs around him, both of you are heedless to the cum seeping from you staining his impeccable robes. He deepens the kiss, parting your lips with his tongue. You allow him to map every crevice of your mouth, memorizing the feel, the taste of you.   
As he pulls away, you look down between your legs and watch the stain spreading over the ornate tablecloth. “The servants will certainly have their work cut out for them in the morning,” you observe. “I’m surprised none of them heard us and came running down here.”  
“I’d kill them all for looking at you.” Kylo’s voice contains only darkness and no hint of mocking. “Let’s go.” He lifts you from the table and carries you bridal-style from the room. You giggle and grab at your undergarment, now dangling from your ankle.  
“Dirty, dirty girl,” Klyo muses as he climbs the stairs. “Covered in my cum. I’ll have the servants draw you another bath and we’ll see what we can do to clean you up.”


	25. Fight off the Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo continues to be plagued by nightmares and his apprentice is determined to make the haunting dreams disappear.

Your remaining days on Serreno pass in much the same manner. Though you do venture out of the bedroom to explore the mansion and its many Imperial artifacts, the tour ends up with you sprawled across Count Dooku’s old throne with Kylo’s head buried between your legs.  
After the disastrous (albeit stimulating) dinner in the dining room, you resume having your meals brought to you in your bedchamber. Some nights, Kylo continues his attempt to teach you how to play Dejarik. Other nights, the board sits forgotten as the two of you stay in bed.  
Kylo continues to be plagued by nightmares almost every night and you continue to comfort him, holding his trembling form and lavishing him with kisses and words of praise. One night, a particularly bad dream has him almost in tears. You frantically kiss every inch of his face until he’s responding and kissing back.  
“Kylo, Kylo, Kylo,” you murmur as you kiss your way down his neck and onto his chest. “You are so perfect. I wish I could make you see that. How much I adore you.” He idly strokes your hair and you’re reminded of that day, reading in his quarters while he unknowingly played with your hair. It was the first time he’d touched you with any sense of familiarity and you smile at the memory.  
You continue to kiss your way down his chest, pausing to pay special attention to the many scars on his torso. “So many scars,” you murmur in between kisses. “And they all tell their own beautiful stories. Your story.”  
Kylo looks down at you, golden brown eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I don’t deserve you,” he mutters as he shakes his head. “I’m too broken, too wrong…”  
“Stop it!” you smack his flesh lightly. “I will continue to remind you for as long as I need to, how extraordinary you are. Every nightmare that makes you question yourself, I will stand by you and fight it off.” You rest your chin on his stomach and look him in the eye. “The dreams don’t matter. Supreme Leader Snoke, the Knights of Ren, your stupid family. None of their opinions matter.”  
“None of their opinions…”  
“They are beneath you.” You interrupt, repeating the words he told you so long ago. “All of them. So far beneath you and your glorious, terrifying perfection, Gods, Kylo! Look at you!” Your trail of kisses has reached the waistband of his pajama pants and your reach your hand inside.  
He is soft in your hand as you draw him out of the pants. A few gentle strokes and you feel him begin to harden. You look up at him as your mouth hovers over his cock. “May I?” you ask. His eyes are nearly black, pupils blown out with lust as he stares down at you. He nods and swallows thickly. You watch as his Adam’s Apple bobs down, then back up again. And suddenly, despite your inexperience, you want him in your mouth. You want to worship him and leave him with no doubts about how you feel about him.  
You lick your lips and, holding the base, and bracing yourself on his thigh with the other, you take the head of his cock into your mouth. Kylo gasps loudly and it’s all the incentive you need to keep going. You run your tongue over his slit and can’t help wrinkling your nose at the salty taste of precum. “Y/N,” he stutters. “Your m-mouth!” You smile around him, pleased with his reaction.  
You bob your head experimentally a few times, sucking gently, each time taking more of him into your mouth. As Kylo moans from above you, you flutter your lashes and look up at him. He looks completely in shock, staring down at you with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. You slide off his cock with a pop and stare back at him. “Is this all right?”  
He nods frantically. “Yes. Yes! Just, please, don’t stop!”. His voice shaking as he answers. Thanking the Gods for your lack of gag reflex, you wrap you lips over your teeth and take him in as far as you can. You focus on taking deep breaths and the feeling of his pubic hair tickling your nose as his head of his cock hits your throat.  
You’d never done this before and are secretly thrilled with how well it’s going. Kylo, also seems to appreciate what you’re doing, if the string of moans and profanities issuing from him are any indication. “Fuck, Y/N! How do you…? GODS, that feels good!”  
Keeping your mouth sealed tight around him as you slide up and down his shaft, pausing to suck hard on the head. Kylo moans again, louder this time and you feel him twine his fingers into your hair, tugging gently.  
Taking your hand from the base of his cock, you allow it to drift downward and gently fondle his balls. You feel the pressure of his hands on the back of your head and allow him to guide your movements. “Y/N, Y/N,” he mumbles. “If you need to… I’m going to come… Fuck…soon.”  
You shake your head, keeping your mouth on him and moving faster. You want him in your mouth, down your throat. You don’t want to waste a drop of his cum. His grip on your hair tightens and he bucks his hips. You feel him thrust hard into your mouth once, twice before he stills, his cock deep in you.  
You splutter and struggle to swallow as you feel the salty liquid hit the back of your throat. Kylo gently guides you off his cock and brings your head up to him. He kisses you deeply and you moan as you feel his cum transferring from your tongue to his.  
After breaking the kiss, Kylo buries his face in your neck and peppers your skin with light kisses. “Thank you,” he whispers. And you smile.


	26. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo takes his apprentice on her first killing mission.

After your brief respite on Serreno, you and Kylo return to your regular schedule on the base. You still train with him nearly every day, learning the ways of the Force as well as other skills. But life with Kylo Ren was different now that you’d become lovers. Most nights, you spend with him in his own quarters. Most evenings are spent on dinner and conversation and culminating in lovemaking. Sometimes sweet and tender, sometimes frantic and fraught with dirty talk. But always ending with falling asleep in each other’s arms in his bed.  
One morning, you awake to find the bed empty next to you. Rolling over into the emptiness, you yawn and stretch. Since beginning your training, your nightmares had stopped, but you were surprised to discover that Kylo suffered from nightmares and insomnia of his own.  
Thinking that he’d probably left you to sleep in peace, you get up and pad into the sitting room to look for him. You find him, seated at the table, staring intently at a datapad in his hands. “Good morning,” you mumble as you sit down across from him. “Bad dream?”  
He shakes his head distractedly, not looking up from the datapad. Several more seconds pass before he looks up at you and speaks. “I’ve found him.”  
“Found who?” you stifle another yawn and rub the lingering bits of sleep from your eyes as Kylo continues to stare at you. “The boyfriend. Levan Reed. Is that not him?” his voice is low and threatening. “The one from school, the one who hurt you.” He goes on to tell you how easy it was, checking your class records, cross referencing against the old hologram of the two of you. You’d forgotten that hologram still existed in the records. You remember smashing your own copy years ago. You’d also forgotten the conversation you and Kylo has shortly after you began your training and how he had promised to hunt him down and kill him if you wanted. It seems, however, that Kylo hasn’t forgotten.  
“You’ll be relieved to know he does not have a family, no wife or children. No one to miss him. He lives alone, currently working as a droid mechanic in one of the mines on Lothal. That offer still stands, you know.” Kylo’s eyes narrow. “I could make it look like an accident. Or let you confront him first, if you like. You could even kill him yourself. No one would question it either way.”  
The thought of murdering your cheating ex-boyfriend is intriguing. The thought of murdering your cheating ex-boyfriend while your current boyfriend stands by and watches is more than a little exciting.  
After your experience with the captured pilot and how easy it was to torture him, how tempted you were to kill him yourself, you think killing your slimy ex might be very satisfying. True, you only stood by and watched as the pilot and then, his family were killed. But you like to think that, given the proper motivation, you could easily and gladly take someone’s life. And, this time, you do have a good motivation.  
Levan. You remember him, pushing your head into his lap or groping your breasts, you remember all the times you fought him off or had to listen to him lecture you about how you were “abnormal” because you didn’t want him. Then catching him and your best friend in bed together. Bastard. You’d love to watch him die.  
You walk around to Kylo and look over at the datapad in his hand. The face of your ex stares up at you. He looks a little older and slightly heavier, but his eyes are the same shade of blue and he still has the same self-important smirk on his face that you remember so well. You close your eyes briefly and relish the hate that wells up inside you before wrapping your arms around Kylo. You kiss his cheek and whisper the words, “Let’s kill him,” into his ear. Kylo turns in his chair and kisses you deeply. “That’s my girl,” he tells you. “We’ll destroy him.”  
Several days later, after practicing further embracing your hate and bitterness, letting it consume and fully take control of you, Kylo feels that you’re ready for your mission and the two of you embark on the journey to Lothal. Unlike the earlier mission to murder the Resistance pilot’s family, this one is not official first order business. Kylo has done the research himself, knows all the details involved and even pilots his shuttle himself. You sit next to him, staring out the windshield and reveling in thoughts of what’s to come.  
He lands the shuttle with an expert hand a short distance outside the village. You disembark and Kylo takes your hand as the two of you walk toward the village. “You can do this,” he murmurs as he squeezes your hand. “It is important that you do this. He will be the first of many.”  
“I know.” You tell him. “I’m ready.” And you are ready. Murdering her ex-boyfriend must be every woman’s dream, you think as you and Kylo pass the dwellings on the outskirts of the village and you cling to his hand. But this is bigger than that. This is about taking a life, a human life that is not yours to take. It’s about crossing a boundary from which you know you can never go back. You think of all the other boundaries you’ve crossed in the last several months and you can’t imagine life any other way now.  
Levan’s dwelling is set on the edge of the mining village. Tall spine trees rise in the distance, swaying in the wind. Kylo kicks in the door easily and strides into the middle of the living space. Levan, who had been sitting at the table in the center of the room, stumbles from his seat and staggers into the corner at the sound of the door splintering.  
It takes his several frantic seconds to register that Kylo Ren is towering over him before her rises to his feet in a shaky bow. “C-commander Ren,” he stammers. “I am… please don’t hurt me.” Kylo stares down at him, his fingers clench and his hand flicks toward the lightsaber on his belt. His voice is low and murderous through the modulator in his mask. “You have my word that I will not hurt you. I’ve heard a lot about you. And I have someone here who would like very much to see you.”  
For the first time, Levan realizes that there is another person in the room with him and Kylo and he peers at you through narrowed eyes as you step forward from the door. “Hello, Levan,” you smile at him as he rises shakily to his feet.  
“I don’t believe anyone told you that you could stand up,” Kylo’s voice is laced with venom. As you reach your hand toward him, you watch in satisfaction as Levan drops to his knees, immobilized, in front of you. “That’s better,” you say conversationally as you make yourself comfortable in one of the chairs.  
Levan looks at Kylo and then back to you, confusion apparent in his face. “Y/N?” he asks. “Is that you? What... what’s going on?”  
“No one told you that the fearsome Kylo Ren now has an apprentice?” you ask. “No one told you that you can’t treat women like pieces of meat and not expect consequences. Gods, Levan. No one tells you anything.”  
The fear in Levan’s face is becoming more apparent as you continue. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? And to think, you still remember me. Was I the first girl you ever pressured, assaulted and then ultimately cheated on? Or was I just special?”  
“Assaulted?!” his voice has become higher and beads of sweat have begun to break out on his forehead. “I never… I mean, we were young. We both made mistakes…”  
“Shut up,” you spit. You don’t even care about the Force at this point. You stand up and kick him square in the face. Behind you, you heard Kylo draw a deep breath through his mask. Levan’s nose is bleeding and, immobilized as he is, he can do nothing to stem the flow of blood. You watch as he coughs and gags, blood splattering the front of his shirt and the floor where he kneels.  
You crouch down in front of Levan, bringing your face down close to his and looking into his terrified eyes. “You do realize that I’m going to kill you, don’t you?” He turns his eyes back up to Kylo, who is still standing silently behind you. “Don’t look at Kylo,” you order Levan, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at you. His face is slippery with blood, but your grip holds. “Look at me. Kylo Ren is not the most terrifying person in this room. I am.”  
“Please, Y/N,” Levan pleads. “I Loved you.”  
“No!” you shout as you let go of him. “Don’t even say that word. I don’t know, Levan, what your idea of love is, but that was… just no.” You can feel the tears starting to well up in your eyes. Dammit. You are not going to cry at this. You are not going to let him hurt you again. You take a deep breath and continue. “You treated me like dirt. You used me and, when I wasn’t willing to give you whatever you wanted, you threw me away.”  
Levan’s own tears course down his cheeks to his chin, mingling with the blood and sweat. You reach your bloodstained hand out to him and feel a stab of triumph as you watch his face contort in pain. “You think I came here with Kylo fucking Ren to do what? Reconnect with you? Have some sort of happy reunion?” You can feel your voice rising as you approach hysteria. Just as you can feel the Force rising in you and feel Levan’s pain increase with it. “The only reason he hasn’t killed you already is because he doesn’t want to deprive me of the pleasure of doing it myself!”  
You hastily swipe at your eyes and go on. “And as much as I would love to sit here for hours and torture you. And believe me, Levan, I would love to. I love to leave you in pieces. The sight of your stupid, bloody face is starting to make me sick.” You have a blaster pistol concealed under your cloak and you’re ready for this conversation to be over. You’re ready to watch the life leave those petrified blue eyes as you put a hole in Levan’s head.  
“Please,” he croaks again as you withdraw your hand and free him from the pain. “Shut up,” you mutter as you fumble under your cloak for your blaster. “I should have cut out your tongue when I first got here.”  
You hand finds the cold dedlanite and you are about to unclip it from your holster when you hear Kylo directly behind you. “My love?” he asks. You turn and see him holding out his lightsaber, offering it to you. Taking it from him, you remember your previous lesson with him. You remember to grip it with both hands before igniting the blade. The saber crackles to life, vibrating in your hands.  
You momentarily savor the sight of the jagged red beam reflected in Levan’s panicked eyes before plunging the saber into his chest. The impact is like nothing, like cutting butter as the blade slices easily through his breastbone. With trembling fingers, you deactivate the blade and Levan falls, with a thump, to the floor. Behind you, you hear Kylo remove his mask.  
He gently helps you to your feet and you hand his lightsaber back to him. “Thank you,” you whisper. And he knows that you’re thanking him for much more than just the use of his weapon. He leads you to the kitchen where he helps you wash the blood off your hands. “You’ve done well,” he says and kisses you passionately. Adrenaline still coursing through you, you eagerly kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his neck.  
Kylo pulls away and keeps one arm around you as he leads you from the dwelling and you make your way back to the ship. You’re grateful for the support and closeness as you suddenly feel very tired. He orders you to go straight to bed when you return to the base and makes it very clear that there will be no sex, only resting.  
As you lean into him, Kylo places a kiss on your temple. “I am proud of you,” he whispers.


	27. Monthly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new guest visits. It does nothing to quell the fire that always burning and only makes the flames rise higher.

The first time you get your period after you and Kylo become intimate, you wonder if it’s possible to keep it secret from him and just avoid any type of physical affection for the next week.  
Of course he knows that something is wrong. He can sense it. And eventually he coaxes it out of you, with many blushes and averting of your eyes. You secretly thank the Gods when he recognizes what you’re talking about and at least you don’t have to explain the concept of menstruation to him.  
But then he wants to see. “Kylo, no,” you whine as you gently bat his hands away. But you can never really deny him anything. And it’s only a matter of time before you find yourself sprawled on his bed, naked from the waist down as he peers between your legs.  
The whole scene is utterly bizarre and you try to imagine yourself in MedBay, getting your annual exam. But this is no medical droid down there. It’s your own dark warrior and sometimes-awkward lover and you throw your arm over your eyes in embarrassment to avoid his gaze.  
You can feel him, probing and stroking, slowly parting your lips. Your eyes fly open in horror as you feel him fingering the string on your tampon. “Keeps the blood in…” you hear him mutter to himself and you lift your head off the pillow when you feel a gentle tug on the end.  
“Oh, Kylo, stop,” you moan. But he doesn’t. “You’re going to make a mess,” you whisper as you feel the tampon leave your body and you involuntarily clench at its sudden absence, feeling the blood follow.   
You look up at him and see the blood-soaked tampon dangling from his fingers as he closely examines it. “Your blood,” he murmurs and you watch his eyes darken as he inhales the scent. You watch in amazement, fascinated with his own fascination. He throws the tampon carelessly over his shoulder and you cringe inwardly at the mess the cleaning crew will have to contend with later.   
You feel his finger enter you before you even have a chance to protest and you gasp at the unexpected intrusion. As he slowly withdraws the finger and inserts it again with slightly more force, you can’t help the small sigh that falls from your lips. The first stirrings of arousal make for an interesting juxtaposition when paired with the dull cramping, low in your belly.   
Adding another finger, he continues to slowly and deliberately thrust into you and you can’t help the sighs that turn into moans. “Mess be damned,” you think to yourself. “This feels too good,” and you rotate your hips, granting him even greater access at every thrust. You feel the beginning of your orgasm uncoiling when he withdraws his fingers and you stare up at him again.   
“I have to fuck you,” he pants. And you watch him as he frees himself from his trousers, heedless of the trails of blood his fingers leave on the folds of fabric. His eyes are dark, pupils dilated with lust and his hair disheveled. His cowl, cloak and usual layers are all in place and impeccable as always, except for his cock. No bothering to pull his trousers down, he’s only removed himself from the front slit. He is already hard and pulsing and you stifle another moan at the sight of him.  
Despite your current state and your previous disgust at it, you want him. Desperately. You want him inside you, the two of you partially clothed and covered in your blood. You’re only too eager to help guide his swollen cock to your entrance.  
The delicacy and gentleness of the first few times you made love has since vanished and Kylo now lunges into you with a force that makes you cry out both in surprise and discomfort as he hits your cervix. He pulls out briefly only to drive back in, possibly harder this time. Your fingers scrabble for purchase on his back, gripping the coarse fabric like a lifeline as his thrusts become faster. You are enthralled with his face, like you always are at times like this, his eyes wide and mouth half open, the scar on his cheek standing out livid against his alabaster skin.  
While you’re focused on his gorgeous and terrifying face, he, meanwhile seems more intrigued with the action between your legs. You can only imagine what he must see, his cock plunging in and out of you, coated in your blood   
“I love you like this,” he growls, from above you, reaching down between you to bring a finger to your clit. “You’re fucking beautiful, look at you.” You wish you could see yourself as he sees you and you wonder what you must look like in this moment. Spread out beneath him, blood smeared in fingerprints across your belly and clotted in your pubic hair.  
Kylo increases his speed again and you know he must be close to coming. One hand still working furiously at your clit, he twines the other into your hair, yanking your head back. You cry out again as you feel his teeth on your throat.   
“Fucking. Beautiful. MINE!” he roars as he pounds into you even faster, his pace frantic. As he continues hitting your G-spot, you feel your own orgasm creeping closer. Your breathing is fast and shallow and you lift your legs and clutch them around his waist, forcing him even deeper into you. “Kylo!” you whisper. “I’m about to…. Kylo, please!” You feel your orgasm rip through your body as your breath catches and you muscles tense.  
“Fuck! Y/N” he snarls as you feel him spill into you. “My cum… your blood! FUCK!” With his own orgasm, he throws his head back, mouth open in a silent scream and fingers still clenched tight in your hair.   
When you finally come down, and watch blearily as he pulls out of you, the sight of his softening cock, coated with your blood is enough to send spirals of arousal curling in your belly again. Kylo uses a corner of his blanket to clean himself before fastening his trousers back up and throwing himself down on the bed next to you. He takes you into his arms and pulls you close. “You’re so perfect,” he whispers into your hair. “So beautiful, covered in blood and cum.”   
You nuzzle your head into his chest and listen to the beating of his heart. Being with him like this makes you feel more like a woman than ever before. And you want to do everything with him. You want him on your period and off it, you want him in your mouth, in your cunt, to come all over you. You want to… have his baby?


	28. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the heat of the moment, Kylo's apprentice poses an unexpected question.

You roll over on your back and stare up at the ceiling, afraid to even look at him. “Kylo?” you ask. You’re acutely aware of the tremble in your voice and how it echoes in the otherwise silent bedchamber. It’s not the first time the idea of raising a child with him has occurred to you. You did briefly entertain the idea when he executed the captured Resistance pilot’s family and you thought of saving the child and taking him with you.  
The very idea is ludicrous and you’re fairly certain it’s just your body responding to the stimulation. But you feel the need to ask anyway.  
“Kylo?” you repeat. “Mmmm?” he responds drowsily. You hate to spring something like this on him when he sounds so close to falling into a blissful, post-coital sleep. You don’t even consider not bringing the subject up though. It’s only a matter of time before he senses that something is wrong and asks you about it. And you know he could tell if you weren’t being honest with him. He can always tell.  
“Would you… and I think I know the answer to this,” you hesitate. “But would you ever want to… have… children?” His chest rises and falls as he draws a deep breath. “With you?” he asks. You blink in surprise at his question. “Well, in general, I guess. But specifically, with me, yes.”  
You feel him Kylo sigh again. “Probably not,” he mutters. He pauses for several seconds before continuing. “I can’t… I don’t want to risk putting a child through the same upbringing I had.”  
“That makes sense,” you tell him. “But for the record, I don’t think you would. I think you would make a conscious effort to not let history repeat itself. “I think…” you blink furiously to stave off the tears that are already forming in your eyes. “Kylo, I think you might be an amazing father.”  
He rolls over on his side, propping himself up on his elbow and stares at you with those liquid brown eyes that you love so well. “Is this something you really want?” he asks. “No. I mean not really,” you shake your head. “It’s probably just hormones talking.”  
“You know I can’t deny you anything,” He runs a hand down your chest and places his palm on your stomach. “It can’t happen now,” he says.  
“No, it can’t,” you shake your head frantically. “It’s ridiculous to even think about it, I know. I think I was just lost in the moment, thinking…” you’re gearing up for a full-on ramble when Kylo brings his fingers up to your mouth and orders you, “Hush!” You still under his touch and remain quiet.  
“Look at me.” You roll over to face him. “It isn’t even something that needs discussing right now.” His voice is soft, but firm. “I know.” You whisper.  
“There is too much to do. Your training. We have a long journey ahead of us,” Kylo continues  
“I know,” you repeat, your tears spilling over as humiliation for even bringing the subject up wells inside you.  
Kylo brushes your cheek, wiping the tears there with calloused fingers. “When we are finished. When the Resistance lies in ruins and the Jedi is destroyed. If you still want to, perhaps we can revisit the subject of… children.”  
You feel your face crumple and you begin to cry in earnest. Maybe it’s the just your hormones, or the closeness to him. Or maybe it’s mourning over Kylo’s lost childhood or the father that you only knew for 11 years, but you roll over and sob into Kylo’s shoulder. He’s used to your tears and random outburst by now and just holds you and gently strokes your hair until you finish.  
You sniff and wipe at your nose. “I should go clean up,” you tell him. “Before I fall asleep like this.” You rise from the bed to find your discarded clothes but Kylo grabs your arm and pulls you back. “Stay.” He orders you. “You shouldn’t be wandering around in your condition. I’ll call for someone to bring you some… supplies.” The image pops into your head suddenly of an armed and armored Stormtrooper stalking through the halls to bring you tampons. You giggle in spite of yourself. “All right,” you acquiesce. “But at least let me clean up first. As you rise from the bed again and make your way down the hall to the washroom, you hear the speaker on the wall crackle to life behind you. You don’t envy the trooper tasked with the mission of escorting Kylo’s Ren apprentice a box of tampons.

After wiping yourself down in the washroom, you return to the bedroom. Kylo has already changed into clean clothes and placed a towel over the bloody spot on the sheet. You climb into bed and lie down next to him.  
“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” you remind him. “Ask someone to bring the tampons? I could have just as easily gone to get some.”  
“You’re not going anywhere,” he replies. “Not in your delicate condition.” He pauses for several seconds, furrowing his brows. “You are delicate, right?” You blink in surprise at his words. If he truly thought you were that delicate, he wouldn’t have just fucked you raw. But you smile anyway, touched, as always, at his protective nature.   
“Not necessarily delicate,” you answer. “Just a little moodier than usual.”  
“Than usual,” Kylo repeats, nodding. “I don’t think I’ve see you cry like that before. Are you all right now?”   
You roll over and stare at the ceiling, resting your head on your hands. “I’m sorry,” you shake your head. “I don’t know what got into me with the whole children thing. I mean, I know what a stupid idea it is!”  
“You have to help me,” Kylo’s voice is low, almost pleading. “What?” you ask.  
“If we ever have children….”  
“Do you have to keep discussing it?” you interrupt, unable to keep the whine out of your voice. “Like you said, there’s no reason to.”  
You can feel his eyes on you and you roll back over to meet his gaze. “Y/N, if we ever do have children. You can’t let me abandon them. Not like them did to me.”   
Your own eyes fill with tears again. “Kylo. You won’t…”  
“Promise me,” he grabs your hand and brings it up to his chest. You remember the first time he kissed you and declared his feelings, he did something similar, placing your hand on his chest. “Promise me you won’t let me hurt them.” His voice is urgent and full of a fear that you’ve seldom heard there.  
You’d promise him anything. The entire galaxy if he asked for it. “I promise,” you nod and blink back your tears. “I do. But I don’t think I need to. I’ll do whatever I can to help you, but you’ll be an incredible father, I know it.”   
He continues stroking your hand, but stares at a spot on the far wall, just about your head. You know, without even asking, that his eyes are fixed on the past, on his uncle and father, their separate betrayals.   
Suddenly the buzzer on the door sounds and Kylo breaks from his reverie. He rises from the bed and grabs his mask off the nearby table, placing it over his head. The mask is back on soon the tampon will be back in. The time for intimacy and vulnerability is over.


	29. Modern Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kylo accompanies his apprentice to her medical exam, things don't go as planned.

During dinner one night, Kylo sets down his fork and fixes you with an intense stare. “You are due for a medical appointment.” Of course, it’s not a question. Now that he’s responsible for every aspect of your life, it makes sense that he would be privy to your medical records.   
You pause, your own fork midway to your mouth. “I know,” you nod. “It’s just an annual physical. I need to make the appointment.”  
Kylo’s voice is crisp and business-like. “I’ve already made the appointment for you. You go in next week.”  
“Oh,” you blink in surprise. “All right. Thank you.” Kylo nods. “Part of being your master is ensuring your physical and mental health. It’s my job to keep track of these things.” You smile at him as you swallow another mouthful of Rodian pepper. “Are you coming with me to the appointment?”   
“Of course,” he answers, frowning slightly. “You are my… apprentice. I’ll be there to support you.” You know that you are more than just an apprentice to him and you’ve been taking yourself to your appointments for several years now, but Kylo’s seriousness on the subject and the protectiveness in his voice is touching. You’ll allow him to do whatever he feels he needs to do .  
A week later, he escorts you to the medical building, keeping his hand on the small of your back the whole walk there. That and hand-holding are really the only types of affection he’ll allow himself to display in public. His touch is possessive, rather that protective, but you find his touch reassuring nonetheless.   
He is the one who checks you in for your appointment, waits with you in the waiting area and then follows you down to the exam cubicle. He asks several questions of the medical droid regarding your health and well-being and then warns that if it hurts you, he will obliterate it.   
The medical droid is well programmed and efficient, remaining nonplussed by Kylo’s threats or how he hovers over you. The droid goes through the steps of obtaining your history and checking your vital signs as you sit on the high exam table. It looks in your eyes, ears and your mouth. Kylo stands by your head and places his hand on your shoulder during your pelvic exam, though he glowers at the droid the whole time.  
“Is she all right?” Kylo asks as he helps you back up into a sitting position. “All of her bodily systems are in are within normal functioning parameters,” the droid answers as it busies itself at the nearby counter. “Yes, but is she healthy?” Kylo persists. “Nothing is wrong with her, she’s not sick or injured in any way? Is she…” Kylo turns his head the slightest bit back toward you. “Is she all right?”  
“She is healthy,” the droid answers briskly and you watch as it turns away from the counter and approaches you with a large syringe full of liquid. You know what’s coming next and you’re not looking forward to it. But it has been a year, after all.  
You wince at the sharp pain and gasp as the needle sinks into your arm. You’ve never cared for shots. But this one is necessary. Especially now. But before the medical droid can depress the plunger, Kylo moves into action, whirling to the other side of the room.  
In the dim light of the cubicle, you see his lightsaber flare to life, its reflection crackling in the steel of the medical instruments. “No!” you shout, but it’s too late. The medical droid lies in smoking pieces on the floor. “Kylo! Why would you do that?” holding your hand over the spot on the arm where the droid ripped out the syringe as it fell.  
“It hurt you!” Kylo’s voice crackles with rage behind his mask. “The stupid droid, I told it!” He continues hacking with his saber, sending the tray of instrument to the floor and demolishing the counter and surrounding curtain.  
“Kylo,” you rise from the table and go to him. You gently place a hand on his arm. “Kylo, stop. Come back, I’m right here.” You know from prior experience that these tantrums take him away and out of himself. And that it’s not always easy to get him to return. “Kylo, please.” He deactivates his saber and stands over you, panting. “It. Hurt. You,” he growls. He grabs your arm and roughly pulls you toward him. “No one hurts you.”  
“I know,” you whisper, reaching up to trace the silver lines of his mask with your fingers. “I know, you won’t let them. But Kylo,” you look down at the shattered syringe and the liquid now spreading across the floor and sigh. “That was my… birth control,” you whisper. “I kind of need that.”  
He lets go of your arm in surprise. Aside from the very awkward conversation about having children, the two of you had never discussed birth control. You’d been receiving the shot since you were a teenager because it helped to alleviate very painful menstrual cramps. And when you and Kylo first became intimate, you thought little of it, because you were already protected.  
You don’t realize that your medical gown is standing open until Kylo reaches out and gently closes it, tugging the coarse fabric around you. “I will call for someone else. I’ll make sure they take care of you. Stay here.”  
He leaves you and goes down the hall, no doubt to find who or whatever is closest and threaten them that, if they don’t take care of you, he’ll destroy them. You stand in the middle of the smoldering ruin of the exam cubicle and shiver.   
The rest of your appointment passes easily enough. Prepared now, for what’s coming, Kylo merely holds your hand as the other droid administers the shot. The pain is not horrible, but it’s enough to make you squeeze his hand. All things considered, you’re glad he’s there.  
As the two of you walk back you his quarters, he continues holding your hand. After demanding that you go to bed as soon as you return, his voice softens. “You understand, don’t you?” he asks. You know this is his way of apologizing for the earlier explosion and you nod. Of course accept it. You accept that this is what life is like with Kylo Ren. The outbursts and the passion, tempered by moments of tenderness. You accept it and you crave it. You cling to this new life just as you cling to the large, leather gloved hand guiding you home.


	30. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing to be plagued by regular nightmares, Kylo's apprentice does what she can to help.

You hear the sounds before your body even registers that you are awake. Moaning, the occasional gasp or whimper. You awake fully, blinking back against the darkness in the bed chamber. Everything looks normal, moonlight streaming through the small window, blankets kicked onto the floor and Kylo sprawled on his back beside you. As your eye traces the lines of his naked torso, he shudders, rolling over and curling into a tight ball. Another bloody nightmare, you think as you gently shake his shoulder. “Kylo!” you whisper. “Wake up!”  
At the sound of your voice, he sits up in the bed, swatting your hand away as if your touch had burned his flesh. His hair is tangled and his eyes are wild as he looks around the room. As his eyes fall on you, the fear and confusion there fade and recognition takes their place. “You’re here,” he mumbles, reaching out a hand to cup your cheek.   
“Of course I’m here,” you smile into his touch. “Where else would I be?” But your smile soon fades at the look on his face. “The same dream again?” you ask, seriously. Kylo’s head drops, hands covering his face.  
“I could hear you, screaming, calling my name,” he runs his fingers through his hair, making it even more disheveled and stares into the distance. “I couldn’t see you…” It’s a recurring dream, this one. Different settings, different circumstances, yet always the same. It was a tremendous effort for him to let down his guard and become your friend, and eventually your lover and now he lives in mortal fear of somehow losing you.   
“Look at me,” you demand. You stare into the face that you’ve grown to know so well, the wide eyes, full lips and moles scattered like spots on a mushroom. Even the jagged scar that he hates, the one he earned in battle, the one that you love tracing with your fingertips or pressing kisses into. “I’m here. I’m not leaving and there’s not a thing in this galaxy that could take me from you.”  
He does look at you, looks at you like he doesn’t know you, like you haven’t been through all that you have. Like he hadn’t taught you, trained you, molded you with his own hands. “Why do you stay?”   
“I love you,” you reply simply. “I’m yours. Just as you’re mine. And, Kylo, that isn’t prophecy or destiny or someone else’s manipulation. It’s just you and me.” You have to make him know that falling in love with him was entirely natural and entirely up to you. It wasn’t Snoke pulling strings and pushing you forward.   
You fling the covers back and climb onto him, straddling his lap. You grip his shoulders as you stare into his eyes. “Let me show you how much I love you.” You lean in and press your lips against his. The kiss is tentative, meant to be comforting and reassuring until he deepens it, grabbing your face and forcing your lips apart with his tongue.   
Loving Kylo is the easiest thing you’ve ever done. Easier than playing with your pittin, than chatting with your mother, easier even, than using the Force. You explore his mouth with your tongue, mapping every crevice, removing any lingering taste of the nightmare. He groans and you feel him press his hips up into you.   
Hands leaving his shoulders, you trail your fingers down his bare chest and to his stomach. Reaching beneath the waistband of his briefs, you’re not surprised to find him already semi hard as you wrap your fingers around his length. Breaking the kiss, you smile at him. “Hard for me already.” Nine times out of ten, it’s Kylo who is usually indulging in any kind of dirty talk, telling you what a good girl you are for taking his cock so deep, but you know how much he loves the praises from you, especially after one of the nightmares that so easily steal his confidence.  
Pulling his briefs down his hips and easing him the rest of the way out, you relish the way he tilts his head back and closes his eyes as you stroke his shaft. “No more bad dreams,” you whisper. “No more doubts.” You grab his chin, pulling has face down and forcing him to look you in the eye. “If you’re going to be moaning and whimpering in the middle of the night, I want to be the cause.” You kiss him again, rougher this time and let his head fall back  
Returning to your ministrations between his legs, you continue to stroke him. Your thumb slides over his slit, spreading the bead of moisture accumulating there. You drink in the sight of him as he reacts to your handiwork. Head thrown back against the wall and eyes closed, chest heaving with shuddering breaths. He is beautiful like this, not distracted by First Order business or focused on an upcoming mission or battle. He is relaxed, at peace and absolutely consumed by lust. Consumed by you.  
You rise onto your knees, lining him up with your entrance with one hand and pulling aside the crotch of your undergarment with the other. You sink down, slowly impaling yourself on his length. He rests his hands on your hips, gently guiding your movements as you slowly ride him.  
You want to start slowly and draw things out for as long as you can, making the whole night about him, about his own pleasure. “Gods, I want this,” you whisper. “I want you like this all the time, underneath me, your cock filling me up.”   
Kylo moans as he digs fingers into your hips. “What did I ever do without you?” he asks. You shrug. “Killed everyone, instilled fear in the entire Galaxy, the usual.” He opens his eyes to look up you. “Never loved anyone?” he suggests.   
You smile, but a hint of sadness flutters in your chest. “You make up for lost time with me,” you order, pointing a finger at him. “Do everything with me. Teach me, love me, fuck me. I’ll be whatever you need.”  
He brings a hand up to brush his fingers against your cheek. “You have no idea, do you?” he asks. You increase your speed, rising and sinking onto his cock with his hand still on your cheek. Bracing your own hands on his shoulders, you kiss him deeply. “Neither one of us has any idea, I guess. How much we adore each other. But here we are.” You shrug.  
As you straighten up, Kylo bends down and takes one of your breasts into his mouth, flicking the nipple with his tongue. “Gods, your mouth feels amazing!” you moan, throwing your head back. “Everything about you is amazing. You mouth, your cock, everything.”  
Reaching down, Kylo tugs on your undergarment, tearing the fabric as he sucks hard on your nipple. “Touch me!” you order him and are rewarded by the feeling of his calloused thumb on your clit, stroking small circles into the tender flesh.   
You increase the speed of your hips. Arching your back away from him, you feel the head of his cock hit your g-spot and you moan loudly. His hands back on your hips, you relish the feeling his fingers gouging into the soft flesh there. Leaning back toward him, you whisper, “Are you going to make it hurt? Make it hurt, I want to see you on my tomorrow.”  
You cry out as he seizes a handful of your hair and yanks your head back. You feel his lips on your neck and he mutters the words, “I’ll make it hurt.” He angles your head back to where you’re looking into his eyes. “I’ll tear that tight little pussy apart.” Placing both hands back on your hips, he slams you down hard on his cock. You wince and cry out as he hits your cervix. “You wanted it to hurt,” Kylo smirks at you.   
You love it when he’s like this, free from distractions, lost entirely in the moment, anxieties and nightmares far away. You watch his face, brows furrowed and lips pursed in concentration as he continues thrusting up into you, holding your hips in place. “You’re so beautiful,” you whisper. Feeling your orgasm building, you take one of Kylo’s hands and guide it back down to your clitoris, moaning as he runs his thumb over the swollen nub.   
“Kylo,” you pant. “I’m so close. Please.”  
A smirk tugs at his full lips as he looks up at you, as he increases the pressure and friction against your clit. “You did say please,” he murmurs. “Good girl. Come on my cock. Now!”   
The overwhelming physical sensations coupled with the sounds of Kylo’s deep voice sends tumbling into your orgasm, fingers scrabbling on his bare chest as your walls clench tight around his pulsing cock.  
Kylo’s own orgasm is not far behind, triggered, no doubt by yours. He shouts your name into the night and thrusts hard into you. You feel him fill you as your contracting muscles continue to milk every drop of cum from him.   
He runs his hands up you back and pulls you down on top of him and you feel his softening cock and cum leak out of you. “Sleep now,” you tell him, gently kissing him on the chest as he strokes your hair . “No more nightmares,” you whisper. You will lie by his side and stand guard against the dreams. And you know, just as you know how fiercely you love him, that he will sleep soundly.


	31. Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All things grow and change. Just as Kylo and his apprentice's does, so does her and her' mother's.

You love the fact that, however much things change with Kylo and how your relationship develops, the relationship you have with your mother remains the same, as if no time at all has passed between your visits. You still laugh together and play with Qica, you still enjoy dinner together.   
Every visit, she asks how you’re doing, how your training is going and how Kylo is treating you. “I’m glad you’re doing so well,” she tells you one day as she reaches across the table and takes your hands. “I worry about you. It hasn’t been easy, letting you go, knowing…” she stops suddenly, as if she’s said too much. And you know, in the way that you just know things, that she has revealed too much.  
“And what exactly do you know?” your smile wavers as you slowly withdraw your hands from hers. “Oh, Darling.” Her voice is light as she waves her hand dismissively. “Everything is going well. You said so yourself. Just Supreme Leader Snoke and… conversations we’ve had. Nothing you need to worry about.”  
You frown. You’re not comfortable at all with the idea of your mother and Snoke chatting about you and your future while keeping you uninformed. “No,” you shake your head. “You just talk about me, to the Supreme Leader? You just chat about my future because it’s all laid out like I’m just a pawn in some kind of game. Is that all I am?” You roughly swipe at your eyes and curse the fact that you cry so much at everything, even when you are angry.   
“Y/N, don’t be ridiculous. It’s nothing like that. Supreme Leader Snoke just knows about certain things before they happen. You should know that by now.” Your mother turns away from you, rises from her seat and picks up the datapad and half eaten chasuka leaves from the table. Even if you hadn’t been trained by Kylo in the delicate art of reading and extracting thoughts, you can tell she’s not being entirely truthful with you.  
The thought of your own precious mother lying to you, of her and Supreme Leader Snoke keeping secrets from you, possibly conspiring against you makes your stomach turn. “But you can’t tell me, can you?” you ask, you voice hand and biting. “Anything you’ve discuss with him?” She looks down at her hands and the datapad she’s still holding. “It’s really not that difficult, is it?” you ask as you wipe at your eyes again. “Either you’re lying to me or you’re not.”   
Even more horrifying than the thought of her keeping things from you is the thoughts of what exactly she is keeping from you, what she knows. “So, you know everything now? You and Supreme Leader Snoke. I can just see the two of you, sitting, discussing my life like it doesn’t matter to you. What else? My death? Kylo’s death?”   
“Y/N, please?” she begs. You know I can’t. It’s not… it’s not for you to know. Not yet.” Your temper flares as you slam your hand onto the table’s surface. “I won’t let you take him away from me!” The fear that you could, at any moment, lose Kylo and your mother knows when and how, leaves your head spinning. Your temper flares as you slam your hand onto the table’s surface. “I won’t let you take him away from me!”   
“Y/N, enough,” she turns back to you. “We’re not discussing this anymore. There are certain things I’ve told you I can’t talk to you about and as long as you’re going to be un reasonable…”   
“I know!” you shout. “I know what’s in your mind, I can see it. He taught me! Don’t think he didn’t teach me!”  
Whatever memories she has, whatever thoughts she’s hiding, you’ll find them. Your hand shoots out to her and you feel the fabric of her mind rip open and give way to you. She resists at first, but you easily enough break through the barrier. She’s afraid, both for herself and for you, afraid of losing you like she did your father. Your father’s face swims in front of you, the death mask visage of Darth Vader and the low, rumbling tones of Supreme Leader Snoke’s voice. A vision of you and Kylo, naked and entwined in each other, transferred from Supreme Leader Snoke’s mind to hers.  
Suddenly he’s there. Kylo is there, without you even hearing the door open. He’s whispering in your ear as he gently pulls you away. Twining his fingers with yours, he slowly lowers your hand. Your mother’s mind pulls away from you and, as your vision clears, you see her, standing. hunched over the table, fingers splayed on its surface and he data pad on the floor at her feet. As she straightens up and looks at you, the hurt and betrayal are just as apparent on her tear-streaked face as they are on your own.  
Something is broken between you. And, at the moment, you don’t care that it can be pieced back together or not. You care only about the man that is guiding you gently but firmly out the door. You hold your mother’s gaze until the door closes. At which point, you collapse into his arms and sob.   
The rough fabric of Kylo’s cowl and tabard are soaked with your tears as you cry out your anger and pain into him. “It does not matter,” he whispers to you. His words are muffled and almost unintelligible through his voice modulator and, in this moment, even he is unfamiliar. He may say it doesn’t matter, but it does. It matters and it hurts tremendously. For years, you and you mother were all each of you had. She was your life and your heart. And now your heart is breaking at her betrayal. “I am here,” Kylo’s voice sounds from about you as you feel him bring up a hand to stroke your hair. “And I am yours.”  
And you know his words to be true. Just as you know things will never be the same between you and your mother, you know that Kylo will never leave you. Never go anywhere that you won’t follow. This man, this masked and cloaked dark warrior, holding you as you weep in the middle of the corridor, is in possession of your heart and soul in a way that no one has been or ever will be again. And you are his.


	32. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the altercation with her mother, Kylo's apprentice is unable to focus on her training.

After crying yourself to sleep following the confrontation with the mother, you awake the nest morning to find something small and furry curled up next to you in the bed. You sit up with a start and are surprised to see that, at some point during the night, your pittin, Quica, her food and all her belongings have been moved into your quarters. It’s a comfort to have her near you again. Admittedly, you’ve missed her the past several months, but her presence also serves as another reminder of the broken bond between you and your mother. You bury your face in her soft, gray fur as your tears start again.   
Kylo knows you are distracted as you sit across form in his quarters later that morning. He says your name several times and, only after you continue to stare blankly back at him, does he reach out a gloved hand to touch your face. “You’re not here with me,” he observes as he strokes your cheek. “Where are you?”   
You reach for his hand and lace your fingers between his. “I’m sorry,” you shake your head. “I’m distracted. Still thinking about yesterday and my… mother.” The word tastes bitter on your tongue and you hate that. You sigh and feel your eyes fill with tears again. Will you ever stop crying?!  
“It doesn’t matter,” Kylo’s voice is soft and tinged with sadness as he squeezes your hand. “But it does,” you tell him as you withdraw your hand and wipe at your eyes. “That’s why it hurts so much.”  
“I know it does. Believe me, I know the pain all too well. But you should never forget, she is beneath you. And you can’t lose something that you never truly had.” His words chill you to your core, but you know there is a kernel of truth to them as well.   
“You told me that once before, didn’t you?” you ask and Kylo’s nods. “I’m the only one you need to trust. And Supreme Leader Snoke. But the bond between us is stronger than anything else.” Kylo cups you face between his hands and fixes you with an intense stare. “Always remember that.”  
“I will,” you promise as he wipes a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “But she… she was my everything.” You feel you face crumple as more tears fall and you hastily swipe at them.  
Kylo suddenly rises to his feet and pulls you along with him. “I think we can postpone our training for today,” he says decisively. “Can I distract you?” he asks as he wraps his arms around your waist. You smile up at him through your tears. “Distract me from being distracted?”  
Kylo smirks as he gazes down at you. “Any excuse,” he replies. “You are…. so beautiful when you cry.” You stifle a watery laugh and duck your head into his chest. “That’s a terrible thing to say,” you mutter.  
Kylo runs his thumb along your bottom lip as he continues to stare at you. “Beautiful and so fuckable.” You feel your breath catch in your chest as you realize just how he plans to distract you. And you want him. Even with sadness and betrayal dragging your heart down, he is still in command of it. And you feel the familiar ache between your legs at his words.   
He leans down, places his lips near your ear and whispers, “I’d make you cry every day if I thought I could fuck you afterwards.” You feel a shiver run down your back as you reply, “You could fuck me anyway.”  
“Any time?” he asks, his lips traveling down your neck.“And with anyone watching,” you reply. You lean into his touch, tilting your head and allowing him even greater access to the tender skin of your neck.  
“You don’t know how badly I wanted to take you yesterday,” Kylo mumbles. “Right then and there, as you cried in my arms in the corridor. Everyone would have stopped to watch. I could have fucked you in front of the entire base.”  
You allow him to lead you gently from the sitting room and into the bedroom. As he continues his trail of kisses down your chest, you feel his hands on your back, unfastening your dress. “I’ll distract you,” he whispers against the skin of your breast as the fabric falls to the floor around your feet. “I’ll fucking worship you.”  
Slipping out of your undergarment, you sit on the edge of the bed and watch as Kylo removes his gloves and kneels on the floor in front of you. He places both hands on your knees and slowly parts your legs. “I just want to taste you,” he mutters as he begins a trail of kisses up your thigh.   
No matter how many times you’ve done this, you still jump at the feel of his mouth on you. You sigh and twist your fingers into the sheet underneath you as he runs the tip of his tongue gently up your slit. When he reaches your clit, he gently parts your lips to give him greater access to the sensitive nub as he swirls his tongue around it.   
Closing your eyes, you let the sensations wash over you. Forgetting about your mother, about your training, forgetting even about the Force, you focus on the feeling of Kylo’s tongue as it continues its circle, occasionally pausing to dip into your entrance.   
“Kylo!” you moan at the feel of his tongue inside you as his thumb slides over your clit. “Please don’t stop,” you whisper. “Gods, don’t ever stop!” He pauses and you feel him smile against you. “Not ever,” he mumbles, moving his tongue back up to your clit and plunging a finger into you. You gasp at the sudden intrusion, throwing your head back onto the bed and arching your back.   
He slowly withdraws the finger only to thrust it back in as his lips increase their pressure on your aching clit. Feeling your orgasm building, coiling low in your belly, you push yourself into his mouth as he spreads your legs farther apart.   
Bringing your hands up to his head, you run your fingers through his hair before roughly gripping it, holding him in place. He pauses briefly to chuckle against your skin. “So hungry for it,” he whispers.   
“Hungry for you,” you reply as you look down at the top of his head nestled between your thighs. “Always.” His hair is disheveled and curled around your fingers. You tighten your grip as you thrust your hips into him again.  
Kylo increases his pace, plunging his finger in and out of you faster and sucking on your clit in earnest. Your breathing is fast and shallow as you feel your orgasm coming closer. You squeeze your eyes shut and whisper his name like a prayer. “I’m so close… please!”   
He pauses again and looks up at you. He eyes are dilated and his face slick and shiny with your juices. A smirk tugs at his swollen lips as he takes in your naked and flushed body. “Are you going to come on my face, baby?” he asks, his voice ragged.  
You feel your whole body tighten as he continues his ministrations with his tongue. Suddenly your orgasm slams into you. Your fingers curl tighter into Kylo’s hair as he holds your shaking legs apart, fingers digging into the delicate flesh of your inner thigh. Feeling your blood pounding in your head, and your toes curling, you bring your hips up off the bed, arching your back. Kylo adds another finger to your dripping cunt and your walls convulse and clench around them.  
As your orgasm subsides, Kylo gently slides his fingers out of you. You watch in a daze as he delicately wipes then on the blanket and crawls up the bed to kiss you. You taste yourself on his tongue. “Feeling better?” he asks as he pulls away. You nod and grasp blindly for his hand. Your arms and legs are still shaking. Kylo grasps your hand tightly and brings it up to his lips. “My dirty little whore,” he whispers. “So easily distracted.”


	33. Uncertain future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When big changes are afoot for Kylo and his apprentice, it's difficult to know whish way to turn. And whom to trust.

Although you adore Kylo, even more since your recent estrangement with your mother, your relationship with him is nothing if not intense and sometimes it can be exhausting. Even though they don’t include visits with your mother anymore, and that hurts, you still cherish the days you have to yourself.   
They give Kylo a chance to attend to his own duties and training as well as give you a welcome respite. Even without your mother to help fill the hours, you still enjoy reading, taking longs naps and playing with Qica, who is now a permanent fixture in your quarters.  
You’re certainly not expecting the knock on your door as it brings you back to reality from your reading. Knowing that Kylo is in the habit of sometimes summoning you on your off days, you talk yourself into believing it’s merely a message from him as you walk slowly to the door.   
The trooper that stands just outside your door, nods to you as he mumbles “A message for you Miss Y/N.” He places the small hologram projecter in your hand and hurries down the hall.  
Staring after his retreating form, you wonder who could have possibly sent you a message. Kylo is more likely to have you called to him in person. You suppose it could be from your mother. She must know that you’re not ready to see her face-to-face yet. Yes, you decide as you sit back down, it’s most likely from you mother. Steeling yourself for whatever flimsy apology she has you place the projector on the table and activate it.   
“Miss Y/N,” The voice is unfamiliar but the face isn’t. “I know you may not know who I am,” she continues. “But I know all about you.” You slam your hand down on the hologram, shutting off the message and stare at it in horror. Of course, you know who she is. You’ve seen the face of General Organa not only in her son’s mind, but on countless bits of First Order propaganda. You recoil at the message, not just the intimacy of her words, but at her fierce and beautiful face. There is a power behind those large brown eyes the likes of which you’ve never seen before. If you fear anyone in the whole galaxy, it’s her.   
You always suspected you would meet her eventually, but you never imagined to be staring at the form of Leia Organa is the sanctity of your own quarters. Snatching the hologram projector from the nearby table, you run to the door. Grabbing the nearest trooper as he walks past, you shove it into his face and demand “Who sent this? Do you know?” He merely shakes his head, obviously confused at your demeanor and the harshness of your tone. You’d always been ridiculously polite to every stormtrooper you’d dealt with. “I do not know, Miss.”  
“Find me Commander Ren!” you shout as you shove him away from you. “Now!” The trooper staggers over to the control panel on the wall nearby, punches in an access code and tells you, in a shaking voice, that Kylo is currently in his quarters.   
You run down the corridors, whirling around the corners, heedless of the officers and troopers around you. Kylo greets you at the door to his quarters. You can tell by the look on his face that he knows something is wrong. Silently, you hold out the small projector to him.   
He stands beside you, his hand gripping yours as his mother’s voice fills the room. “Miss Y/N. I know you may not know who I am. But I know all about you. I know about you and I know about the baby.”   
“What?!” you ask as you look up at Kylo and back down to the image of Leia on the table. “What does she mean?!” Kylo doesn’t answer, but squeezes you hand harder and steps closer to the table, as he listens. Your other hand convulsively goes to your stomach and you wonder if you’re going to be sick. The general’s voice continues. “Tell Ben to come home. We’ll protect you. All three of you.”  
At those words, Kylo swipes his arm across the table’s surface, sending the hologram crashing to the floor and cutting off the message. He seizes your shoulders and brings his face down to yours. “Listen to me,” his voice is tense. “She won’t touch you.”  
“It’s not true, is it?” you ask frantically as you look up at him. “What she said? It can’t be true!” Kylo removes his hands from your shoulders and drops them to his sides. “I don’t know,” he answers as he steps away from you. You watch his gaze flick down to your stomach and know that his words are true.  
You close your eyes and try to feel the Force around you. Is there someone else there? You can feel fluctuations, like little ripples around you, but you’re uncertain of their cause. Before you can explore further, Kylo’s voice brings you back.  
“We need to see Supreme Leader Snoke.” Kylo shoves his mask back onto his head, grabs your hand and leads you from the room. You pull back at his hand, stopping him in his tracks. “Can we really trust him?” you ask. “I just… I feel like he’s inside my head. Inside your head.”  
Kylo stares down at you through his mask. “Of course he is,” he answers. “That’s why we can trust him. We have to.”  
Several minutes later, the two of you stand before the flickering holographic image of Supreme Leader Snoke. Kylo’s mask is off, thrown hastily to the floor, but his hand still clutches yours. The contrast between Supreme Leader Snoke and General Organa is striking. Where there was power, but also fear behind her brown eyes. Snoke remains completely in control, his gnarled face impassive.   
“It is true,” he rumbles staring down at you and again your hands reflexively go to cover your stomach. You can feel it this time, in the presence of its father and his master, there is life there. And you are filled with a desperate desire to protect it. Your own life, your growing powers and the mission tasked to you, blur and fade away. You will do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and protect the little life that grows inside you.  
“They will never touch you,” Snoke promises as he repeats Kylo’s words from earlier. A grim smile twists his already ruined face. “Your powers have grown exponentially and we will protect you at any cost. We will hide both you and the child. You will be safe.”   
Snoke turns to Kylo and fixes him with an intense stare. “You will send her to me. I will continue her training until the child is born. At which point, we will begin his or her training. A child born of Kylo Ren and Y/N will be strong with the Force and wield enormous power. We must preserve that.”  
Kylo looks desperately at you, fear apparent in his eyes. You try to convey to him through your own eyes he will see you again. He will see your child again. And, though things are spiraling away from you right now, nothing has changed between you. If anything, you love him more fiercely than ever before. “It will be alright,” you whisper as you squeeze his hand. “We will see each other again. We will meet the Resistance head-on and we will destroy them all.”  
“I want to marry her.” Kylo blurts out as he whirls to face Supreme Leader Snoke again. “The child….” He pauses and draws a shuddering breath. “Must have a father.” And you know that, despite his telling you that he is not ready, Kylo will indeed be a good father. You swear that you child will never know the sadness and betrayal his or her parents have, that the names Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa will only be spoken as distant memories, traitors and murderers and never as anything more.   
Snoke nods. “You will have her.” He looks back to you. “Miss Y/N, go pack your belongings and prepare yourself. Both of you will return here in one hour and I will perform the ceremony. You will depart immediately afterward. A crew will ready your shuttle, Commander Ren. Prepare yourselves. And return to me.”  
His image flickers and disappears. You and Kylo turn to look at each other. This is not how you had envisioned your wedding: pregnant and terrified and with danger at your heels.   
Kylo seizes your face in his hands and crashes his lips roughly into yours. “This is how it has to be. For now.” You nod as your fear slowly begins to give way to determination. Your loyalty to Kylo has grown along with the loyalty to your child and you will do everything possible to protect them. You will allow Supreme Leader to complete your training, to do with you as he will. Your future is just as certain as it always was.   
Kylo stares into your eyes, his hands still holding your head in place. “He will not have the baby.” His voice is low and filled with resolution “And he will not have you. He may be inside your head, but do not let him into your heart. He brings one hand down to rest on the curve of your stomach. “The three of us… we will be together again.”  
Hand-in-hand, you leave the chamber. Kylo promises to follow you back to your quarters and help you pack and dress. He promises to let your mother know what has happened and vows that he will take care on Qica in your absence. The thought of the formidable Kylo Ren, chasing a furry grey pittin around or sleeping with her cuddled next to him, makes you smile. You imagine it as good practice for fatherhood. You try to picture him chasing a small child around or cuddling a brand-new baby. The child will of course, have his eyes, brown and gold and framed with dark lashes. Maybe his hair too, dark and voluminous. Your humor and Kylo’s courage.   
Reaching your quarters, Kylo reluctantly lets go of your hand and follows you through the open door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this story is inevitably and organically reaching its end. Although Reader!Apprentice's story if far from over, this phase in her life is drawing to a close. It'll be fun to see where things go in the future. Big thanks to everyone who stuck with me and is still reading this rambling, plotless, smutty mess. I love you all as much as Reader loves her pittin!


	34. Endings and beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newly pregnant and fleeing from the threat of the Resistance, Kylo's apprentice is forced to put her trust into Supreme Leader Snoke. Will there be time to solidify her bond to Kylo before her life is forever altered?

You stand in front of the mirror in your quarters and stare at your reflection. You are not glowing, alight with happiness and hope for your future. Your white dress is a little too tight and the sleeves don’t quite reach your wrists. Your hair is not adorned with flowers or a veil and instead falls in a loose curtain to your shoulders. This is not how you pictured your wedding day.  
You watch in the mirror and Kylo approaches you from behind and places his hands on your shoulders. His face is tense but his eyes soften as he takes in your reflection. He had returned to his own quarters, allowing you some privacy while you quickly bathed and dressed. “You look lovely.” He bows his head, burying his face in your hair. “I am sorry it has to be this way.”  
He brings his hands around from your shoulders to your back. Instead of fastening the clip on your dress, you feel him lower the zipper. “Let me have you,” he whispers. “One last time. I promise I’ll be gentle. I won’t hurt… I won’t hurt either of you.” You feel tears start to fill your eyes and quickly wipe at them. However tinged with sorrow and fear, however hastily thrown together, you are determined to make the most out of your wedding day. You roll your head back onto your shoulders, resting it against his chest and sigh as you allow Kylo to gently pull your dress down over your arms.   
After helping to ease you out of your sleeves, he reaches up to cup your breasts, eliciting a sigh from you. Despite everything that’s happening, you want him. You always want him, anywhere and at any time. Even now. And he knows it.  
There will be no wedding night, no hours of passionate lovemaking, taking your time to worship each other. There will only be a hasty final encounter in your quarters, clinging tightly to one another while your impromptu wedding gown lies crumpled on the floor and the thought of a baby at the back of your minds.  
True to his word, Kylo is gentle. His fingers explore every inch of your naked flesh as he slowly thrusts into you. He delivers you to your climax like he always does, and follows not far behind. You choke back a sob as you feel his hot juices fill you. You’re going to miss this. You’re going to miss everything about him. But you know what must be done.  
You kiss him fiercely, legs still tightly clenched around his waist. “I love you,” you whisper, dragging your fingers through his sweaty hair. “You are mine,” he answers as he pulls away and begins dressing. “And I am yours. Always.”  
He helps you up from the bed, helps you clean up and dress again. He even helps you brush your hair. Thoughts of your mother race through your head and your nightly ritual of hair brushing. Will she find out after you’ve left? With her liaison with Supreme Leader Snoke, you’d be amazed to find out that she didn’t already know everything. Will she ever see her grandchild, you wonder? Do you even want her to? Too many thoughts.   
Kylo places the brush on the nearby and wraps his arms around you. “It’s time,” he whispers and tenderly kisses your hair. Grasping his hand, you follow him out of your quarters. You’re surprised to discover the two stormtroopers standing guard outside your door. And even more surprised to see them detach themselves and escort you down the hall. Kylo, who had long since given up his stance on public displays of affection, continues holding your hand tightly. He guides you back into Supreme Leader Snoke’s holo chamber and removes his mask while the troopers stand at attention outside the door.  
He appears, vast and terrifying before you. Snoke’s ravaged face is somber, but something like triumph burns behind his eyes. After all, he knew this was going to happen from the very beginning. And he knows what’s going to happen next. Or he thinks he does. You tear your eyes away from his looming image and focus instead on Kylo. His eyes are wide and his full lips slightly parted. The scar across his face stands out livid against the pallor of his skin. He is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.  
The ceremony is short. There is no time, after all, for pomp and circumstance. Snoke remains serious, intoning the ancient phrases. And you both agree, vowing yourselves to each other.   
Tears course down your cheeks. Whether from happiness, fear or grief, you don’t care. You let them flow. Once again, everything familiar is gone. But this time you are not resigned to the fate Snoke has in store for you. And your vows are not only to Kylo, but to your unborn child as well. You will protect them both at any cost. You seal your union with a kiss, chaste in the presence of the supreme leader, and Kylo gently wipes away your tears.  
During the ceremony, crews have been busy preparing Kylo’s shuttle and packing your belongings. After concluding the ceremony, Snoke reminds you that time is of the essence and advises you to make your way to the dock. His image flickers once, then disappears.  
Kylo walks you slowly to the dock, keeping you close, his arm around your shoulders. You allow him to guide you to your destination, walking slowly, in a daze. You think, if it wasn’t for his steadying arm around you, you’d probably fly to pieces. The events of the last few days are catching up to you and you are starting to feel exhaustion and the first creeping tendrils of panic come over you. All of this is really happening. And it’s happening entirely too quickly.  
Reaching the dock and Kylo’s ship, the nearby officers and technicians stand at attention and let you pass. He gently helps you aboard. “Leave us,” he demands of the pilots. They abandon the ship’s controls and leave the two of you alone.  
Kylo carefully straps you into your seat and kneels in front of you. He removes his mask and takes your hands in his. Bringing them up to his mouth, his full lips cover them in kisses. “Remember what I told you,” he whispers urgently against your skin. “No not let him possess you. Either of you.”  
You shake your head frantically. Snoke will never rule you. He will train you, mold you into the perfect weapon, but neither your life nor your child’s will ever truly be his. When the time comes to march into battle and destroy everything in your path, it is Kylo you will stand next to.   
He places something small and hard into your hand and squeezes your fingers around it. “Do not forget,” he reminds you as you open your hand. A small, blackened chunk of plasteel sits in your palm and looks up at you. You recognize it immediately as a piece of Lord Vader’s charred mask. Kylo must have broken it off himself. The only familial ties that mean anything to him, his most cherished possession and the source of his power, the darkness that binds him to you stronger than any marital vows. You grip it tightly in your hand.   
He bends low and kisses your stomach, keeping his lips there for several seconds. Tears fall from your eyes and drip into his hair as you twine your fingers into it one last time. “I Love you both,” he mutters. “My wife, my child.” He brings his lips up to yours one final time before placing his mask back on, covering his face. You bite your lip to keep from crying out as he turns away from you. He looks back once and you blink against the light reflected in the silver lines of the mask. He is unreachable now.   
You watch your departure from the ship’s window. As the planet’s surface drops away from you and recedes, your tears dry. A new phase in your training awaits you, a new master. Your hands rest protectively on your stomach. You can feel the little life in there now, the fluttering heartbeat, pulsing against the broken bit of plasteel still clutched in your hand. It’s entwined with your life and its fathers. You can still feel Kylo, his power and rage following you. You draw strength from it as you see his face in your mind. Your real journey is just beginning, the true test of your strength. And your future is certain. 

***

 

Supreme Leader Snoke, smiles to himself as he leans back in his throne and watches the image in his mind of Kylo’s command ship, engines glowing and wings raised to the galactic heavens. She is on her way to him and he will see first-hand, to the remainder of her training. She will be well cared for during her pregnancy, and when the times comes, her child, born of the Force, will belong to the First Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I sobbed the whole time I was writing this chapter. It's hard to see things come to an end, but like the chapter's title, there will be new beginnings. My twisted little brain is already plotting and outlining.  
> I have nothing but love and gratitude for everyone who read/enjoyed/commented on this story and generally stuck by me through this. Your support inspires me every day and when Kylo and Reader's baby is born, you'll all be godparents! Again, I think you for accompanying me and these characters on this amazing journey and invite you stick around and see where we go next! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I have a feeling I'll be posting this whole thing with my eyes squeezed shut in embarrassment. So seldom do I actually write out my bizarre OC head-canons, and never have I published them before. But here goes nothing, I suppose.


End file.
